A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OKay, I have written on this before, but decided to stay anonymous, some people may recognize the story. I am in year 12 studying A Levels. I am 16 year old girl. I have had feelings for a teacher at my school for a year now. He was my former Head of year and obviously is no longer directly connected to me because Im no longer in his year. However, I left year 11 on a positive note, and he seemed to suggest his support would continue for as long as I attended the school. In both year 11 and 10 he supported me a great deal and we formed quite a close relationship.Towards the end of year 11 he was repeatedly psychically affectionate with me; hugging and putting his arm around my shoulder etc. On one occasion, after all the exams I went into school to give him and another teacher who had supported me a present. I went into school when they both had a free and hung out in their office for a while. Whilst there he was extremely casual with me, he was flirty, funny, teasing, and just really relaxed. and also he gave me 5 hugs, in which we swayed and lasted for ages. When i was leaving he even stopped another teacher in mid-sentence to get up from his seat and give me another hug!!.When I got home, i felt like it was so casual and friendly that i requested his friendship on facebook. I know long shot. All summer i regularly checked my facebook, and his restricted profile only to see the familiar text "friend request pending" yet that was good, since it meant that he hadn't rejected it either. around 3 months passed with nothing. He did reject it in the end, yet only when we were back at school. One of my friends that left the school in year 11 added him and I had a look at his profile via hers. anyway i saw that he had been online repeatedly during the summer holidays. therefore had seen my request. indicating that he could have possibly wanted to accept but was worried of the consequences maybe.. Summer holidays were painful but bearable and I was excited about returning to 6th form and developing our relationship. I knew it would be more distant than it used to be because he was no longer my head of year. Anyway, the first couple of weeks back in september (2009) he was the same friendly, flirty self. One week, one tuesday I was in the canteen early in the morning for breakfast club ( no one was in there but us.)and he came up to the food bit and said my name and suddenly moved over close to me and showed me a present that I had given him at the end of year 11 saying how much he liked it and used it everyday. After coming away, I realized that it was an extremely flirtatious action, since it was just an excuse to talk to me and an invade my personal space, indicating he wanted to get closer to me. It was completely out of the blue!- we were just buying croissants about half 7 in the morning!The friday following was when it all started, and is why I am writing this appeal. On the friday after the canteen thing on the tuesday, me and my friend had hung around after school to wait for my sister. It was about 4 maybe.. anyway. We were standing in the playground of the school and I could see him and another teacher talking near the art department. Me and my friend starting to proceed towards the art department to enter the main building behind. As we approached them I was on my phone attempting to get hold of my sister. I gave him no eye contact, or any indication I desired to speak to him. Yet as we almost walked past him he turned his back on me, crossed his arms and looked towards the floor. The other teacher looked as confused as I was. When myself and my friend entered the main building I looked behind and saw him facing his original direction, happily talking to the teacher.Following that day he has repeatedly ignored and attempted to avoid me around school. Initially, he would actually alter his path to avoid crossing me in the corridor- it was very obvious. He'd walk with his head to the floor and pretend he needed to speak to any teacher that was around. He seemed very nervous, embarrassed and worried when I would bump into him. Which bear in mind is a regular thing as our school is not that large. Then as time passed he seemed to get more confident and then proceeded to prolong his stare as he walked past me, yet say nothing. Not even change his expression on his face. Like he was expecting me to say something to him, or perhaps he was trying to make a point, making it obvious he had no interest in speaking to me. Considering that in year 11/10 we used to speak every time we past in the corridor with a "hey" "alright" or even a smile, and then suddenly I don't get anything and instead he actually turns around and goes the opposite direction when I am approaching him in a corridor. It's really strange and very hurtful, considering all the support he had shown me. Sometimes i think that maybe he merely supported me because he had too, and now that I am not his direct responsibility anymore he doesn't have any regard to continue being there for me, even though he said it himself. He even said on GCSE results day "its people like you that make this job worth while" - you don't say that half heartedly do you? I don't get it..Once i was re-filling my water at a dispenser after school, all students had gone home i was just hanging about to collect some work. He came out of reception and proceeded to approach me to turn down another corridor near me. I looked up and smiled at him, just an nice friendly smile. And he actually scowled at me. He frowned at me and I could have sworn he was going to shout at me, I was actually quite scared. Anyway, towards the end of term, nearing the christmas holidays this year, he started to appear to be spiteful and mean in the ignoring- like walking past and staring at me with a smug smile, or talking to my friends whilst I'm stood there and not even acknowledging my existence. On the last week I decided to give him a christmas card, along with another teacher, Mrs, that worked with him in supporting me over the years . I merely intended it to be an ice breaker, and just end the year on a good note, indicating to him that I had no hard feelings and I still regard him as an significant person in my life. The card merely wished him a happy christmas and a good start to the new year. I didn't give it to him personally, instead I gave them both to Mrs. That was on a tuesday.All week obviously I was expecting acknowledgment of my gesture. I didn't see him much that week, so I was banking on the friday in which we had a whole school christmas assembly, so he would defiantly be around. Friday came and he had so many opportunities to say something. I even stood right next to him whilst we were outside (my friend was in ambulance outside) he came outside to help and i was stood right next to him, almost touching arms. and Nothing. Not even a "are you okay" because I was obviously shaken up and worried about my friend. Instead he made some silly joke about him being rubbish with technology. Fair enough, that it wasn't the appropriate moment to acknowledge a card because of a student sat in an ambulance but at least acknowledge that fact that i was scared and concerned for my best friend. He asked my other friend who is new to school, starting in 6th form- he doesn't even know her at all, yet he asked her if she was okay because she looked shaken up. So did i! Even in that situation he still kept whatever it is going and ignored me.I don't get it.. and it's just really hurtful and confusing. I can't confront him about it because obviously that was be mega awkward. But what do i do? I've tried to ignore it. I thought it would became automatic for him over time, but it seems as time has progressed he's tried even harder to avoid and ignore me!!What do you think it means? Does he not like me anymore? has he completely disregarded everything he's helped me accomplish? HelpSorry for the essay ... I really don't want 2010 to be another year filled with unrequited love over the same guy. But i fear as long as the reason for his sudden disregard is hidden, I will always try to find it and never let it go.
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best friend, christmas, facebook, flirt, his ex, my ex, my teacher, teasing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
Do you reckon that is what is happening then?
I've left the school now and he did a video message for me on a leavers video my friends made me and he said on it "out of all the students he's helped, it made it all worthwhile with me"
I haven't done anything to upset or hurt him; i would never. I merely give him 100% respect and admiration and treat him as a "teacher"- I'm not unusually casual with him or anything.
I have speculated that theory since it was so sudden; one minute i had his 100% attention and then the next nothing.
As a guy, do you think that's what is happening?
A
male
reader, daniel222  +, writes (14 July 2010):
Here is my take on this. I am a guy and I think that if I acted that way towards a girl it was probably because there are feelings there. If he didn't have any feelings, he would treat you like a friend and be normal to you. The fact that he used to be touchy feely with you, was so nice to you, then all of a sudden did a complete 180, makes me think he has feelings. It's not normal behavior to just start ignoring someone unless you did something so wrong to him. I be that teachers started talking about you two and he got scared that he could get into trouble with the law. Could this be the case? If so, he freaked, then just stopped talking to you all together. I know when I like a girl and am not sure how to handle the situation, because it's not a simple one like just asking her out, I can act like I don't normally do. You only ignore someone if there ARE feelings, not if there aren't. Unless of course, you did something to him that was really bad that he is aware of.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust thought I'd update-
The situation is still going on, and has not improved. Now he doesn't acknowledge me at all, and it's just the "norm" now. Yet still upsets me and hurts me.
Haven't got the courage to ask him yet,
Great
Year and half and counting now
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 January 2010):
 This is exactly why teachers are way under payed. Imagine dealing with this kind of thing over and over again. Tiresome to say the least.
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (3 January 2010):
 yes. he definitely could have handled this better. maybe you should go see him just to ask if he got your card. that way, if he wants to talk to you he has the perfect chance. if he doesn't, you should just walk away. any respectable teacher doesn't give a student the cold shoulder-- even if he does, in fact, sense that you have a crush on him. because you too were so close, i'm frankly surprised he didn't talk to you.
also, keep in mind that something may be going on in his life to put him in a bad mood that is in no way related to you.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, JGSM  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Hey girl!
I know what you are going through, I can relate to myself.
I do think that the others who has posted something has right, that he must be avoiding you because of the fact that he has noticed that you like him more than you should. But he is totally behaving bad!
If he was truly professional he would not treat you in this way. He would instead talk to you, and tell you how things are. I think that you should talk to him, and find the courage to say what you think the next time he does some mean gesture when you two are alone.
Only point out that he has been acting strange and mean and he used to be such an important person in your life and that affects you because you wan't at least to be able to say hi to him.
Now if it's only about that he knows that you like him, or if it is because that he likes you more than he should as well may be a question you'll never get an answer to.
But you must deal with this, I know personally that it will tear you apart if you don't... so talk to him.
A teacher must know how to handle this sort of problems. It is wrong of him to avoid and ignore your existence.
Please keep us notified about how it turned out..
Good Luck
/S
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Arghhhhhhh! Reading this post, and the answers, makes me want to pull my hair out! OP, nearly everyone here IS judging on the strength of the post, but you seem to choose to ignore their replies. You only reply to the ones which you think are a personal attack on you and seem to completely disregard what nearly everyone else has said, based on what you have told us. I feel this is because you want to ignore the advice which has been given to you, ie. he is avoiding you because he sees your behaviour as problematic, ie. stalking, which as another aunt has said, is potentially career threatening for him. Instead of attacking people who have told you what you don't want to hear, why don't you realise that they are trying to do you a favour by giving you some good advice. You seemingly willful ignoring of the advice is very annoying when people take the time to come on here and try and stop you having another year's heartache.
My judgement of the post: leave the guy alone and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Obviously when you love someone you stalk them...Its not because you want to stalk them though. Its cause you like to be near them, and you desire those precious moments you get. Little things mean the most. And just being near them and remembering every little conversation you had with them is something. Thats why it seems like stalking, and in a way it is, but at the same time your just in love.
And I would say, if your gonna judge someone, please read the post and judge...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): In answer to your question, he's avoiding you because it is clear to him that you have a crush on him. That is awkward, embarrassing and potentially dangerous for him. However, having read your post, I wonder if he really is avoiding you, or just acting in a professional manner as your teacher, and you are trying to read more into it than is necessary. I think that's it, plain and simple. Either way, you need to pay him less attention; he is, or at least used to be, your teacher. There's nothing more to it than that. What are you looking for us to tell you? A number of aunts/uncles have said the same thing in so many words but you do not seem to acknowledge their advice. To me this suggests that's because it's not what you want to hear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): he didn't ask if you're ok! - good! because your friend was in the ambulance so he was only paying attention to her who was in trouble. The simple reason is that you don't see him any more on a professional basis, he is no longer your head of year and thus he has the new year group to concentrate on! Xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): the problem with us honey is that we are mature adults. And as such we have answered you honestly. We just didnt agree with you. In 30 years when your daughter has the hots for her teacher...stalks him at school and online...to the point he is uncomfortable avoids her...go back and read this again. It will make perfebt sense! Mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Now listen here everyone! There is nothing about a "game plan" here ok! She is talking seriously about this! She wants to know why he would be doing that. Shes not looking for a "game plan". It hurts to be suddenly treated like the way hes treating her so she wants a serious answer.I think that he might know you love him and is now not knowing how to react. And thinks that keeping away might make you fall for someone else. Obviously he is completely wrong. Maybe just try talking to him again like before. Act casual. As if you haven't noticed anything.And everyone...please, a little maturity is in need. And a little understandment. And especially some serious advice...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, whats with the little gang that's forming here?.. I have no intention to get a "game plan" where did that come from?.. i just wondered if anyone has any idea why he's avoiding me..
Christ sake, whats wrong with you people..
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): you are a kid with a crush. He is a teacher DOING the right thing. End of story. You are looking for a game plan to seduce him. You are unhappy that he is not going along with your fairy tale. We all GET IT!!!! The aunts and uncles have made history by all agreeing!!! Oh, yeah, we get it. You obviously dont. Find a guy thats available and appropriate. Mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm glad that you have recognized the seriousness of this situation. I must congratulate you on your high level of maturity. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): He's avoiding you because he knows you have a crush on him. If anything were to happen he could lose his job and his career. I don't get the impression he fancies you at all but he has probably sensed the way you are around him, and wants to avoid any possible confrontations/difficult situations. Maybe he is worried that you might try and make a move on him and wants to avoid it at all costs.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Well, he's your teacher, not your friend. You shouldn't expect him to talk to you, smile at you, basically treat you as if he was one of your mates. Maybe he did in the past and has since realised that you have a crush on him. As far as I can see from your query, you certainly seem to be reading far more into things than is necessary. He may well have sensed this too and it might have made him want to back off and not give you any more cause to like him in any particular way. If he's avoiding you, he's probably trying to avoid potential problems. School pupils get crushes on their teachers all the time. He is perfectly well aware of this and probably wants to extricate himself from the situation. I think you need to stop analysing his every move, and do not think about going back to school to develop your relationship. He's your teacher, and that's it. Don't try and make anything more out of it. It will soon pass, don't worry. Just try and concentrate on other things and move on. Nothing is going to happen and you are just going to make yourself more upset.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhow is it game play? I'm sorry, i don't understand at all..
This is advice and if it's getting tedious for you, don't reply.. it's not just for you. No need to comment if you find it "tedious"
I'm not asking if he has feelings for me, I'm asking for reasons he may be avoiding me, you kinda need to read the whole thing to get the full picture..
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 January 2010):
Not only did I respond to you initial question I also responded to all your resultant questions. It got very tedious when it became clear you were not looking for advice but rather some kind of game plane. You need to get over this.
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (1 January 2010):
 I havent read the whole of your posting but I got the general jiss. You like this guy and he clearly likes you. Problem - he is a teacher in authority and if any signs of his actions towards you came out he could lose his job and his livihood and never teach again.
We can not help who we fall for. Teenage crushes in teachers are common. You will get over it.
If it is for real he will wait until you have left school and then resume it from there. In the mantime concentrate on your studies and stop reading into everything. He is a teacher at work with responsibilities.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Look I didnt read all your story because I saw 16 and teacher enough said. This guy does not have feelings for you andif he has somewhat made any moves on you he is sick in the head. A crush is called a crush for a reason. You have your whole life ahead of you keep going your time for love will come.
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