A
male
age
30-35,
*loud_Strife
writes:Well how should I start... I first met this girl my junior year of high school (last year) through a friend, but I was having other problems dealing with someone I fell for but she rejected me badly and moved to Florida. We didn't know each other's names but she always called me red head dude because of my dyed hair lol. The summer came and we had a school job project together and we started talking, I told her how the girl I fell for moved to Florida, and then she told me some guy she fell for said he had to go to Florida so they had to break up, but then he arrives a week later and pretends she doesn't exist. She doesn't even consider him a relationship or an ex though because they were officially boyfriend and girlfriend for two months, but they never hung out, he never called her or did anything with her, they only IMed each other. So I was shocked because I fall for people with a lot in common with me and we both almost had the same problem lol. Later after that summer into our senior year (currently) we had a Halloween field trip and I was dressed up as a vampire, and we hung out the whole field trip because I found out she was just as obsessed with vampires as me which made me go crazy. After that I basically fell for her and I asked her out to prom a few days after, and she said yes. I didn't want to ask her to prom so soon because I thought she was still hurt over that guy. We're both Pisces so we get overly attached to people. Fast forward some unimportant parts to January she thought I was losing interest in her because she was hanging out with someone I had gotten into a fight with. She constantly kept telling me she doesn't like him that the only reason she's around him is because her best friend likes his best friend, and they both get dragged along. What bothered me was that he liked her though. When she found out I was hurt from that she had a whole letter explaining how she felt about me, and that she hopes I don't consider her dead or already had forgotten about her. After that we started dating and never been happier, she had expected me to ask her out since November, which I didn't know lol. Anyway were both extremely shy and shes my first girlfriend, and I'm basically her first REAL boyfriend. After a week we went on an official date as a couple, and I was stressing because people were like you should have kissed her already and stuff, and being my first relationship I don't know what to do, and I have never kissed anyone. We went to see a movie and then walked around the mall for a few hours just talking, and then she had to leave, and she called her mom to pick her up so she had to wait outside for her. At the time her mom didn't know about us. So I walked her to where she was going to wait, and hugged her goodbye. I told her to close her eyes and she did, then I went for a small kiss on the lips. When I was going for it her eyes opened and she freaked out, and turned her cheek to me, and then hesitated and started to hug me really closely complaining about her self saying stuff like oh my god I suck and stuff. I was asking her whats wrong, and she said those two months with her "ex" that they never kissed. I responded oh, so you never kissed anyone before, and she said no. I told her your really shy when it comes to that then and she responded yes. I looked at her and told her don't worry I'm exactly the same way, that I didn't even want to go through with it lol. She told me at least you went for it though. I just told her you can take as much time as you need. The next day I apologized to her telling her I'm sorry if I had made her uncomfortable, and she said I didn't. But I explained that it made me more happy that she felt that way because its exactly how I feel and it just makes us more perfect for each other. Jokingly I told her if I was in her position, I would of pushed her away. But she said she didn't want to push me away, that shes just not really an intimate person, that it scares her. I was okay with everything for a while, but Valentines Day came, and my friend's knew about the situation and was like today just go for the kiss, which in my opinion wasn't good advice because I would want her to be comfortable with it, and what if she's still not and turns her head again, that would kill the whole mood. I was just going to ask her if its ok to give her a small kiss, and if she was fine I would of just given her like a 5 second tap kiss, but one problem, I wanted to do this before she dropped me home or I dropped her home, whatever happened. But instead she called her dad to pick us up because it was late, and her dad doesn't know me and that we're dating. She said he'll be fine with it, but again she's still not 100% positive she should tell him. Her mom at this state already knows and is fine with it. What my problem is that I stress over the little things when I have nothing to worry about. Right now I am comfortable with her and wouldn't mind tap kissing her since were both very shy with that stuff. It's been a month and a few days since we've been going out, do you really think its a problem we haven't kissed yet, or should I even make a big deal with the kissing situation? We are very happy together regardless, but I don't want to bring up the kissing thing, and if I were to kiss her, I most certainly would ask because I don't want her to be uncomfortable with it. Is this a bad situation, or something I should not even worry about? Also, I don't know if this helps, but my friend that knows both of us for a very long time said that were perfect for each other, and both extremely shy and can't see either of us making a first move in the relationship lol.
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best friend, kissing, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cloud_Strife +, writes (17 February 2008):
Cloud_Strife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, more advice/opinions are welcome, I could use as much as I can get. Also "maverick" thank you a lot, and to give you some details, we hug a lot, I normally give her a kiss on the cheeks during a hug. We always hold hands in school, and she's normally the one that grabs my hands. Outside like at the mall my arms are always around hers, and she doesn't show any resentment. Like if she needs to get her phone, I let go and afterwards she takes her arms and brings me back close to her. Also, yesterday was the first time we were in a house watching a movie together and she was sitting on her bed, and I was on her computer chair, and she asked if I was gonna stay there, and I'm like I don't know lol, then she told me to come sit close to her. Our sides were like connected during the whole movie and eventually my head was laying on her arms. Were definitely close, just the kissing part were not really on the same level in my opinion.
A
male
reader, maverick  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Hello mate,
Firstly from what you say, you sound like quite a thoughtful boyfriend and that will get far in life.
No it's not a bad thing to not have kissed after a month. You are sympathetic to how she feels which is a great quality in a boyfriend. Of course you do want to kiss, but you realise that you have a good relationship and that kissing is only one aspect to it. The importance of kissing depends on who you are and what a relationship means to you.
You can help her feel more comfortable though but it will take time. When together spend time building physical contact. Stuff like hugging, linking arms, even placing your hand on her upper-arm when chatting, poking her randomly. Don't do it too often though and if she doesn't like it, leave it for a while and just let it go.
You want to be able to show that you are happy having physical contact and you want to encourage to be happy with you. Things like randomly grabbing her hand and getting her to squeeze you butt... she'll look at you weird and you can tell her that there's no loose change in your pocket, to which she'll smile. But just concentrate on being physically close as well as emotionally & intellectually close. A simple thing to try is to sit on a couch and watch a DVD but let your body slouch but tilt towards her - just so its shoulder-to-shoulder.
Take your time and you want to get to a point where she is happy to initiate contact before you at times. When it comes to kissing you could try slow. Randomly kiss her hand or cheek when your grateful for something, or when she's made a mess of something tell her jokingly she has to make it up to you by sqeezing your butt or giving you a kiss on the cheek. You don't want to (and from what you say you haven't) put any pressure on her which is the better way to go around it.
When you do want go for a kiss you could try a "Don't Panic!" method. Just tell her your going to kiss her, but leave her a way out. "Ok I'm going to kiss you now, you can say no but I'm going to expect you to buy me a pizza!" even if she doesn't want to kiss she then has a funny way to let it go and you can shrug it off and get a pizza. If you get to a point where you feel the moment is right to kiss (only you will know) then you can just go for it. But keep it short and sweet.
Look after yourself mate - you are a sympathetic boyfriend, and she's lucky to have you. I know you're shy but you've done well for yourself to get this far.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, didapoo +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Just ask her out right if she wants you to kiss her. By the way --- I am really happy that two kids like your selves are waiting for kissing and not sex --- BRAVO!!IF she is shy, she might just want you to do it, anyway, but cummunication is key. Ask her if she thinks shes ready, if not, tell her that she can make the first move when shes ready, if she wants.Does that help?? Take care, and remember that she is a very respctfull girl, to herself and to you. She doesnt do something without thinking about it long and hard I'm guessing, and you have nothing to worry about. Take it slow!Dida
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A
female
reader, sophie-louise  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 hiya well it seems like you really like this girl,it sounds like she dont want to rush into anything i would just take things slowly and move forward when things fell ready for you both.
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A
female
reader, Kitty18 +, writes (17 February 2008):
 It's definitely NOT a bad thing! It's understandable that two shy people haven't kissed after only a month. It's not something you can force, you both have to be ready, and when the time is right, it'll just happen. I really admire your respect for her, and I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.
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