A
female
age
30-35,
*irefly23
writes:I have known my current boyfriend for over 5 years. We were once very close friends with crushes on one another (however, not your traditional friends with benefits kinda thing) and have been dating for about 8 1/2 months, now. We love each other a heck of a lot, I know this for a fact, but one or two things bother me on a sexual level.First, is the fact that he won't have sex with me. I, myself, have only been with one other guy, who I dated for 3 1/2 years. Sex obviously isn't everything to me, but it is something that I consider part of a healthy relationship. We have shared everything with each other except the actual act of penetration, and this bothers me, because I see no "separate step" between foreplay and going all the way. One means the same thing as the other, in my viewpoint. It's just as special to mess around as it is to actually have sex. I just don't understand why he feels like he can't trust me enough to do the deed. Is it because he doesn't love me enough? Is it too soon to even be thinking about this kind of stuff? Any advice would be helpful.Second, is the fact that he won't go down on me. He has only done it a handful of times, and swears that he has no problem with it, but will only do so if asked. Today, I think I caught up with him. I was looking through his computer history (for something completely off topic mind you) and I found where he searched for "my girlfriend's pussy tastes salty". I asked him about it, and he said, "Oops, you weren't supposed to see that," and claimed that likes the taste just fine. Should I be concerned about this? Do you think he is lying to me? Is there anything I can do to make the taste a little sweeter for him down there?Thanks for your help, everyone! :)P.S. About the first question, it should be known that I do have borderline personality disorder, which makes me very susceptible to feeling unloved. About the second question, I've heard eating fruit helps.
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crush, foreplay, friend with benefits, unloved Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tonydotcom  +, writes (26 August 2013):
Take the matter in hand young lady. Show him who is boss. If he resists an overt female advance that promises guaranteed satisfaction then get a new BF.
A
female
reader, firefly23 +, writes (23 August 2013):
firefly23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I have asked him. He says he just wants to wait and make it special and has even said once or twice that he wants to wait til marriage. Til marriage?? Scheisse! Yes, he is actually a virgin, so I'm trying my hardest to be respectful, but I guess my main concern is, how long should I wait for this one to deem me worthy of love? On one hand, I don't want to waste my time, but on the other, I don't want to give up someone special. Guide me Cupids!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): Have you asked him why he won't go for full penetrative sex? What reason did he give? Is he a virgin?Like you, I agree that once you've gotten naked with someone, touched their intimate parts and achieved orgasm it's the same as having had sex with them (although people who are virgins often feel differently) I agree that 8 months is way longer than most couples take to have sex but I don't think this is because he doesn't love youI may be way off base but have you considered that he may have some erectile dysfunction? I had a boyfriend once who still wasn't trying to get me into bed after 4 months. After 6 months I realised that his penis worked just fine for all other activities except penetration when he would inexplicably go floppy. He revealed to me that he started having problems during his marriage but his wife (rather than be supportive) had teased him about it until it got worse and worse and the marriage ended but the legacy his wife had left him with stayed.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 August 2013):
 You and he have known each other for 5 years... the last 8 months in a "dating" status.... AND HE WON'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU???????
Unless he is a Catholic clergyman, who is Hell-bent to stick with his vows... this SCREAMS at me that this guy is not your usual, red-blooded, "Geeeesh, I can't wait to get some girl in bed and have my way with her" kind of guy.
Did you never see this (aspect of him) through your 5 year friendship?
Until, and unless, you're prepared to address this situation head-on (like, by showing this submittal to him), you can have a peculiar relationship with him for as long as you wish.... BUT, if you and he don't do nik-nik, be assured that you'll never start a family.....
Good luck....
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