A
male
age
30-35,
*55555
writes:I have had this same dilemna for the past year and i didn't know who to turn to for advice, so i thought i'd try this out. I'd really appreciate any help, it'd mean a lot to me.My 2009 was the best year of my life; it was the last year of school before going to university, i had an amazing group of friends, but most of all i had a girl i loved. We spent most days together, going places and enjoying each others company. I cannot begin to describe how perfect that year spent with her was. After uni began, we started to find it difficult keeping a long term relationship; we were both at different universities, and both our courses are quite stressful. Eventually around this time last year it got to the point where things weren't the same, and so she broke up with me. At first i accepted it because i could see that we weren't managing the long distance well, mainly due to inexperience. But as time progressed it became clear to me what i had lost- i never truly realised the magnitude of how much i loved her and how much our relationship meant. By that point it was too late, she was gone and i hadn't spoken to her in months. I tried getting into contact with her again but she said that she wasn't ready to see me.At the end of last summer i eventually saw her, and i knew then that i still had strong feelings for her. I had no idea how she felt, i didn't ask at all. Perhaps she did have those feelings as well, but it was clear that she didn't want to get back together. We kept the conversation as just small talk, nothing about the rship was mentioned.Ever since breaking up with her, i've been in the same position- i can't get over her. I can't forget the amazing year we had together, and all the memories. I've gotten over a heartbreaking relationship before in the past, but as hard as that was, it didn't take this long. I think about her and miss her everyday still. I find it hard to feel happy thinking about those memories, without anyone to remember them with. I would like to be friends with her so we could chat every so often, but i know that any news of her being with someone else would really hurt. I think that taking a year to get over a relationship that lasted a year is way too long, and i'm confused how this can take so long. Has anyone been through anything similar in regards to taking a very long time to get over someone? And does anyone have any helpful advice? Thank you, i really appreciate it.
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broke up, get back together, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Speaking from a personal point of view, I have and still love someone that I haven't spoken in about a year in a half. I haven't been allowed to for various reasons, but I still hold a flame for him.
I guess, why not try to ask her for a date. Say you'll be in town and you'd like to "catch up." Maybe the date has something to do with an interest of hers and you thought of her. It can be just as casual as that to "feel out" the situation and see if she likes you. Otherwise, if you aren't going to make a move, I would stop pining for her. You could add her to facebook and try facebook chat now and then. There are ways to casually get back into contact without professing your love.
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male
reader, h55555 +, writes (7 January 2011):
h55555 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies, it means a lot.
In regards to lifeisbananas, i see where you're coming from and that is really good advice. The only thing that worries me is the fact that we broke up a year ago almost, and she must be in a completely different place right now. If i said anything like that to her, she wouldn't be expecting it at all, it'd be completely out of the blue and random. And it's most likely that she's moved on and she's happy, otherwise surely she'd have made some sort of sign that she wasn't ok with it? Such as when we met up at the end of last summer; if she still loved me and wanted me, then surely she would have said something? I kind of feel like the chances of her feeling the same are so low, that an attempt to bring her back would be almost impossible, and that the blow from it wouldn't be very nice...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): I understand your pain. The way I look at it though, is what do you really have to lose? Why are you holding back?
You should tell her how you feel. On the phone is best, but email is more comfortable. What do you have to lose? So you get rejected and your ego hurts a little...at least you had the balls to tell her the truth...and put a little line out there that "maybe...someday timing will work out and our paths will cross in such a way that will match the perfection of the year that we spent together..." Something along those lines...
Holding back will only make you bitter and jaded with time. If she's rude and mean or rejects me, well at least you won't have to spend any more time thinking about her because she doesn't deserve it. Holding onto someone is allowing them to live rent free in your head. Make some space for some new tenants if this one has decided to move on for good.
Best of luck to you.
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female
reader, Little_aphrodite  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I can feel what do u feel.. U love her so much and there are too many sweet memories between u and her that make u couldn't forget her..
Well, i think my advice won't help u so much.. Because i'm in same case like yours now..
But i only can do 1 thing : i try to open my heart to everyone.. I let my eyes to see the whole world.. There are many things out there that waiting for me.. And life must go on with or without her..
I know all i things i said sounds like a "theory" only..
But thats what i do right now..
I tried to forget all memories because i remember it or not, it won't change anythng, right?
I only get 1 thing everytime i remember it : pain..
Thats all about my advices.. I'm sorry i cnt give any advice except that..
Good luck for u.. ^_^
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): give it some more time. Focus on your school , job,hobbies.
I've been there already. 10 to 15 years from now, you will regret time that you wasted thinking about it.
So, you may think about it but force yourself to concentrate on other things so you don't waste too much of your time.
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