A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really struggling with what to do if anyone could help?I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years, i grew up with him so its really hard on me and i miss him like mad. its torture living without him :(the type of person i am is i replace people, so my way of dealing with it is to find someone new, to keep my head away from him i suppose. i got talking to this lovely lad grant (im 18, hes 19) but hes such a womaniser and has slept around a lot, the complete opposite to me. things arent really working as i want a relationship but he doesnt, so i dont know whether to just give up or do you think i could convince him round, change his mind?also, do you think its a good idea 'replacing' my boyfriend of 4 years to get over him, perhaps make a few mistakes with a few players, or should i ignore his urge to find someone else? my whole lifes a mess :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much :)
A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (7 January 2011):
 If you "replaced" your boyfriend, it just seems like you'd be trying to ignore the pain from your break-up rather than dealing with it. It's hard coping with a break-up, and it may take a long time to recover but that doesn't mean you won't.
Getting together with this other guy isn't going to work, you've already said he's a womaniser and that you both want different things. I doubt you're going to be able to "change his mind", just like he's unlikely to change yours.
Don't "make mistakes with a few players", you're only going to get hurt, even if you try not to get emotionally attached. Don't think you have to be with another guy to get over your ex, you can do other things to distract yourself - spend more time with friends, find something interesting and productive to do. Time is the best healer, and a few months from now you'll find yourself in a better place than you are now. Stay single for a while til you can accept that it's okay to be single and you can still have fun, and that you don't need to be with someone to get over somebody else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): What if one of these player types gets you on the rebound? its not going to take your mind off him either. if replacing people works for you then he is better off without you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Being processed & pasturized by players who churn girls like butter and give you diseases will only make you feel worse and create health complications you will cater to the rest of your years. Flying solo is an easier alternative then filling herpes prescriptions and seeing a dozen other woman float in front of you kinda drowns out the fireworks when you are pandering to his midnight cravings. setting shower times and your alarm clock from his xx00xxx000 texts isn't a life you want to have or an adequate replacemnt to the greiving processes we must go through.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Your life is not a mess. You're hurt and can't get over your boyfriend fast enough. Why not just learn to deal with it. I can see how your 'replacement' strategy works, but what is so wrong with spending some time alone? Sort your head out. How about going out with your friends? Talk to people. Whatever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): it may be better to actually mature in mind before you do anything.
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