A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I could really use your help, I don't know how to feel at the moment.In December I started a sort of friends with benifits situation with my best friend A, and it was all secret because he had a girlfriend at the time (wrong I know and I feel very guilty about that). They were having trouble in their relationship and I know that I was just a way of him escaping that and having some fun. I got hurt by the situation and ended up telling one of my friends in February, and she was the only person I told because Ii didn't think she was involved with A and knew him very well or was close to him so I knew he wouldn't find out and Ii needed to talk to someone who wasn't involved. A few weeks ago me and A decided to stop things and remain friends and this friend I told was the only person who knew. Two weeks ago I thought things were weird with this guy A and was worried about that so I told my friend. She had a boyfriend at the time but told me there was somebody else and I knew then it was A from a feeling inside, but she promised me it wasn't. They kept it from me for another week because they "didn't want to hurt me" but she eventualy told me the truth that it was him and she was really sorry but they are "in love" with each other. She broke up with her boyfriend and got with A on the night. He was really sorry that he didn't tell me and said it was something he had wanted to tell me for ages but he didn't know how Ii would react becuase it was so soon after him splitting with his girlfriend. I felt so hurt and couldn't even talk to my friends about it becuase they can't know about me and A and it hurts so much. A and my friend are now together and I am happy for them but it hurts so much. All I want to do is call up my best girl friend and tell her what has happened but it's all a secret about me and A and should stay that way, or talk to A because he is my best friend too and makes me feel a lot better. They say they are sorry and things and never want to lose me and I don't want to lose them but it hurts so I'm trying to act happy to get through it, how long will it take for it to get better? The friend keeps having doubts about the relationship and telling me about them and I help and apparently do them both a lot of good, I helped them get together.A doesn't know that his now girlfriend knows about us btw. I need people's opinions. Thank you for reading :)thankyou x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, pint  +, writes (28 April 2009):
This can work. it did for me for 23yrs after she stopped. I offered to pay for sex and she accepts. It she said same as dating without the meal, right to sex and it as great . It outlasted 2 wives and 4 steady gfs. Problem is that I want start up again any suggestions on how?
A
male
reader, pint +, writes (22 April 2009):
This friends with benifits can work if you are good friends first. Try not to be so stck on others opinions
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A
female
reader, ErinPatterson  +, writes (5 April 2009):
 A kinda sounds like he is receiving all teh benefits at your emothional cost. I say its not fair to you..depending on how much "benfits" are concerned..I mean things happen but I am sure people notice things even without you telling them..just like you noticed..and A sounds kind of like a bit of a "womanizer"..sorry I could be wrong but I would tell someone who knows you and you have been friends with..your friendship in they end will be worth more..or jsut step away from teh situation..and try to talk a bit with one of your friends who is not a part of this little circle..take some time out with a uninterested party and time is prob they only thing that makes hurt go away unfortunately..
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