A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for 7 years and have 2 kids age 3 and 4. When we first got together it was amazing but over the last few years things have changed. I have changed. I was happy with my life and now i am not. I feel really bad as my husband does alot for us but i just dont feel i love him anymore and am very confused over what to do. I am 30 and he is 40. He provides well for us. We have nice house, car, money all of that i just dont feel happy. Sex life is at its worst ever, i just go through the motions!!! How do i know if i am still in love with my husband and what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): It all depends on what you want, if you want to work it out then go to a marriage counceler before its too late, studies show that on average marriage councelling does not work for most people because they wait too long to do it. Dont let this happen to you.
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Sorry for the error in the story with the car. It is of cours when you have a new car and drive on the road, when you fall in love with a MAN not a woman. Sorry! The analogy was written for man, but I think one can tell it to women as well.
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A
female
reader, Enzian +, writes (11 May 2007):
Well, hmmm..., it may sounds strange and hard, but love is not a feeling. I've read a few books and know form my grandma and a marriage guidance counsellor, that it is nod a good idea to only trust your feelings. So I would like to explain you, what I've read and learnt about love:
- Real, deep, solid love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't allways feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not always the case with the feelings of falling in love. This feelings you will only have a few month or maybe a year or two. The disappear and they will not come back in the same form.
You can compare love with driving in a sport car. You have a new car (thats when you are falling in love with a women) and you drive on a road very fast. On the back of your car there is a very nice cloud of dust (this are your feelings) dispersed from the road. You are having lots of fun and very much enjoy this cloud of dust. But then there suddenly you see a cloude on the sky and it starts to rain. The cloud of dust disappears. Now you can make your decission: You can stopp your car and buy a new one (leave your husband and find someone else) or you can drive on (stay with your husband and kits) and hope that the rain will stop and the road will dry and the cloude of dust will dispersed from the road again. But if you chage the car, you can be sure that also in the new car one day it will rain. For me it just seems that you are sitting in your first car and it is raining whery much.
So I hope for you, the sun will come out again and try the ground so the happy feelings will come back. For this you would have to drive on and listen to the forecast that you can maybe change the route a little. Maybe you should think about what you need. What would be the way, your husband should show his love to you? Is it maybe that he works very hard to earn a lot of money, but you would be much more happy, if he would earn a little less, but spend some more time with you? Or so? If there is something like that, talk to your husband. Tell him how much you adore him for working so hard and provides well for you, but that you would very much wish, he would spend some more time with you or bring you some flowers sometimes or help you a little in the house or pay tribute to what you do or what ever you need. And alos try to think about what you can do from your aspect to make him happy. To make him happy will make you more happy as well! Hope you will be more happy soon!
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (11 May 2007):
 You may have all the material things in life, but do you have all the emotional things you need?
Its all well and good having the house, the money etc, but if you dont have the emotional support then yes, you will feel like this.
I have been in a relationship with a man I love dearly and a few years ago we went through the same thing, simply because we had everything we wanted but because he was away a lot, I never had the emotional support that I needed to feel wanted and loved. He felt the same because I was a little distant because I felt he didnt love and appreciate me, and he was never there for me. He was always away, and when he was home, he just wanted to sleep. The sex was "if he could fit it in", pardon the punn.
We decided that we would give it our all, and we did. He tried to be there more for me, giving me the emotional requirements, not only the material ones. Honestly, its never been so good.
You will also find that the "spark" comes back into the relationship. You just need to make sure that you take time for yourselves. Go away for a naughty weekend, without the kids. Leave work and home life behind you for the few days you are away. Buy some new sexy lingerie! I can assure you, your husband won't mind!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Stop everything and get help. You sound as if you're a little depressed. Your husband can't battle to save the marriage or help the situation if he doesn't even know he's in a fight.
You're hitting a bump in the road of life and marriage. You've mentioned the goods points about your husband. Focus on those. Is there someone else you're attracted too. What characteristics so you think the nest guy will have that will be better than your husbands? It sounds like your husband is a good catch.
Be careful what you wish for and don't throw in the towel on what sounds like a decent relationship.
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