A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:I've never been in a relationship before. Despite this, I have developed a strong cynicism on the whole thing. It was something that seemed to be so much effort. The nice hair, clothes, and constantly worrying whether or not the person liked you as much as you did him.Recently, I have met a guy who I might have my first serious relationship with. The thing is, I am a lazy slob. I like to laugh at stupid stuff, act a little crazy and neurotic, be a couch potato. I am so flawed.It worries me to think that I might have to change just so that a guy will like me. He has made several comments about my hair being too short and subtle ones about how I could look better. I don't know what to do. I want to show him exactly who I am, but I'm afraid he'll lose interest after that. I know that if he does, then he isn't the one for me, but it's so much more complicated.In the past, when other guys would ask me out I would start having mini panic attacks and one time I even ran away from the guy's car. This is the first time that I can picture myself being with someone that has shown an interest in me. I don't want to lose it. I'm scared that if I do I'll never find it again since it's taken this long for it to come. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ButterflyJ +, writes (30 July 2009):
Take it from someone who has given up her total identity for men every time until now - there ARE men out there who will like you just the way you are. It took me a lifetime to find one, but he really does love me with all my flaws. I'm pretty lazy too, insecure, complain a lot of my aches & pains & stresses - got some good qualities too, though. :)
But if you need to change for him to like you, run. What happens when you've changed for him and it ends? You spend months or years trying to figure out who you really were. Some men make it sound like they are giving you advice on how to change for your own benefit because they love you. If you did not ask for the advice, then don't believe it. I could be totally off, interested to hear what others say...
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