A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and everything was absolutely perfect until recently.We used to study in different places. Two or three times a week I would go see him after college to spend time together, to talk about fun things and distract ourselves of the boring world that is reality. Being with him was fun and relaxing; I would look forward to spending time with him. He was my best friend and there was no doubt that he was the person that would make me the happiest.What turned the dream into a nightmare was the fact that because he wanted to be together more, he started studying at the same college as me (it would not be his choice if I weren't there).Things started badly already in the first week, he wanted to be with me ALL of the time and I didn't want it, because I needed my time with my friends.Now I stopped seeing him so much outside of college and we basically see each other ONLY there. It's getting so tiring!! All he ever talks is about his classes and his teachers, and his tests and how tired he is, how many stuff he has to do,...I liked when study and boyfriend were SEPARATED. When I was tired from all the work on college I would distract myself with him, but now I can't!!!! Because he changed, he is never fun with me anymore. He's always tired.And because we see each other a lot already, we don't spend much free time on weekends together. I want to have my study time, and my escaping time, it now I need to escape from him. This is awful, I just want my relationship with him back. I want the old him, the one I always got to be with on weekends!I wanna spend the free days with him, and study days without him like it wasnot like it is now: free days alone and study days with him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): I understand your predicament. But...you aren't being a good gf either. Why is it that you ONLY want to be with him when things are fun! To distract you from the boring stuff!How is that fair to him? You said you only went to him when you were bored...that's not being a good gf at all. I understand that you want to have fun and be with friends, but if you want a bf at the same time, understand that you may have to spend more intimate time with him. No one is saying drop your friends. But you have to make a choice here! What do you want? A boyfriend? it seems he wants a serious relationship, since he likes to share things with you. Or do you want to have fun with friends? if that's the case, then put the sweet boy out of his misery and be single. Then you will have all the fun you want and none of the bore.Not saying relationships are boring, mind you. But in real ones, you also have to deal with the not-so-thrilling aspects of your life. I think he's very sweet for wanting to be closer to you. You obviously don't want him around unless you want to have some fun. So just let him find someone who also wants a close relationship with him. It isn't you. You want something superficial.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 You have removed all the fun from your relationship and left in only the chore times. That's not smart. This is going to affect your relationship.
And possibly compromise your studies as well.
I think he wanted to spend more time with you and that is lovely.
But I think you need to separate out study time from pleasure time.
Talk to him about the need to separate studying from pleasure time.
Make sure you set aside some time for your friends, some time for him to make new friends. And then come together for dates and fun times.
Otherwise you will start to associate him with only the drudgery of studying. That's bleak and boring and no way to enjoy life.
Besides studying does need some alone time. So you can shut your eyes and lean back and think over the concepts you are trying to grasp.
Sell the idea to him on the basis that this way you and he will have the Best of both worlds.
He can put in 110% effort into he studies, as can you.
And he can make some new friends and introduce his new friends to you.
You can see your exisiting friendsand once again you can introduce him to your friends. I feel sure that you do admire him and will love to introduce him to your friends.
And then there is your couple time. The exclusive time you and he spend together. Getting to know each others likes and dislikes. Building rapport. Seeing new things, trying new foods and visiting new places.
All the time building the strengthening bonds between the two of you as you spend special time together.
Your weekends should be joyous and fun and it is the time you spend with those you love.
I hope he can see the necessity of re-arranging things to ensure that you and he can grow together happily as a couple
Best wishes
Abella
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