A
male
age
41-50,
*k78
writes:I met this girl 6 weeks ago now, usually i am shallow and decide before sleeping with girls if i plan to see them again. This girl took my breath away on first sight, first meeting. Everything was magical from both sides for 2 weeks it was better than a fairytale, no not just the sex but everything.She said she needed to find her own house so we could see each other more, she did that, that weekend. She expressed to me she didnt want her 6 year old daughter to get attached to anyone until she was totally sure.The next tuesday, i stayed at teh new house offered to sleep on the couch or even go home. She said no. Her daughter came in while we were asleep and my girl sorta changed from that point on.I now only see her once a week if i am lucky. And it is mostly because I ask to see her. She is very distant. Avoids directly answering questions face to face, but is happy to sorta answer them via text.I don't know where i stand (from a gut feeling) she assures me everything well be fine when her daughter settles down. I accept she has a life and is busy with work and her daughter. But even on her nights off when teh father has a daughter i don't get to see her.She replies like "i like to go out when i dont have her" I haven't felt like this since my first crush in high school. we are both 32. I don't know if i should protect my feelings and walk or trust what she says and that once her life is sorted and slows down a bit then everything will be okay.So basically i went from seeing her daily (even if only for an hour, and no sex wasnt included most of the time) and now i only see her once a week if i push her to see me. (that is what it feels like)It is tearing me apart.
View related questions:
crush, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ck78 +, writes (21 November 2010):
ck78 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Dornraben
Her daughters dad is still very much in her life, He is married with a very young child and as far as i know he left before she was 1.
She had another emotional abusive relationship for 3 years which she broke off coming up a year ago now.
"She was very active" between then and when i met her and she has told me that it was with around 6 guys and somedays 4 different times with each of them, that does not worry me. Everyone has a past which cant be changed. I only look forward to the future.
She has told me on multiple occasions when talking about her past which i never initiated that "before i met you" i was like this. Which reassures me that is a closed chapter.
I think my previous post covers some of your other points.
Thank you.
ck
A
male
reader, ck78 +, writes (21 November 2010):
ck78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your positive replies, I do understand her daughter, friends and life (before we met) is a priority.
I am giving her space and having general interested conversations with her every day or 2, asking for nothing and no expectations. I usually let her make the first attempt at communication over the past several days. If it goes for a week without communication i will however make an genuine call to see how she is and not tell, but show that i am still thinking about her.
I want to wait and I get subtle hints from her that everything well be okay. She said the other day that I am the first guy that accepts her for who she is and that she doesnt have to sleep with me to keep me interested and she likes the feeling of how i make her feel.
I am a positive person and just making someone smile drives me thru my day, as with everyone have had a pretty rough life as far as disappointments and set backs.
It is a short time since i have known her, My only fear at this stage is that i have ignored my gut feelings in the past and been hurt. Maybe my gut feelings this time is just a defensive reaction to not being hurt based on a previous experience.
ck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 November 2010):
Hi there. She presents a challenge to you, because she isn't needy towards men. This is good, as she takes responsibility for making herself happy.
Don't be unhappy about this though, as it is a pretty positive thing.
I really don't think you would like her so much if she was clingy and wanting to know what you were doing all the time and just keeping tabs on you. If she was jealous and possessive with you, that would also have you on tenterhooks, always afraid of saying or doing something that might upset her. You wouldn't want that.
What you are describing is a confident, independent young woman who is doing quite well in life, looking after herself and her young daughter. These are really positive things, that you can't appreciate at the moment, but in time I'm sure that you will.
If she likes to go out, when her ex has their daughter, then let her do that without expectation that she should be with you. Probably she is only going out with her girlfriends, to see a movie or some such thing. It will do her good. Don't feel threatened by this - it's healthy to have some time apart. All relationships need this.
She is probably just protecting her daughter by not wanting her to see her mother in bed with a man who isn't the girl's father.
Often when marriages with children breakdown, some young mothers start sleeping with many different men, and their children are always seeing complete strangers in the house they live in.
Your girlfriend is probably keeping this in mind, and trying to avoid it as much as possible. She also mightn't want her daughter to get to know you too well, in case it doesn't work out.
Perhaps your girlfriend thinks things are moving along too quickly and is not quite ready for a serious relationship just yet.
For this reason, give her some space. It does seem by her actions, that this is what she needs right now.
Maybe you could leave contacting her for about a week or two, then call and just ask her out for a coffee. If she says yes, just keep it light and friendly. Don't tell her how you feel. Just be a friend to her and be supportive.
In conversation you could say something like - "Hi! How has life been treating you?" Then go from there.
Don't ask her is she seeing anyone else - that's too personal. Avoid any personal questions completely.
If you give her the space she needs, things might go a little more smoothly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): welcome to the real world of dating a lady with a child. Her child must be her first priority and she is possively still sorting out issues with the father of her daughter, and being protective of her daughter.
But lets hope she still has the courage to think about her happiness too. Because she can't expect you to wait until her daughter turns 18.
If she is asking you to be patient she may well like you very much, but need your patience for a little while she sorts out other business. Maybe ask what the issues are, in case you could help in any way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Sounds like she's a bit confused. 6 weeks isn't very long, maybe she just needs time. Plus, her priority is as a mother not lover, and her daughter finding you together may have made her nervous about seeing you. The more you push at this stage, the more selfish you'll appear.
Next time you meet/speak, tell her that you understand how difficult this must be, and that you're happy to take things easy for a while. She may feel that you're more concerned about YOUR needs than hers at this stage.
On the other hand, she may not be as ready for a relationship as she thought/thinks. Do you know how long ago since she split with her daughter's dad, and how things are between them now?
Perhaps it would be good for you to slow things down too, especially if you're starting to REALLY like this woman. It's possible that she doesn't know what she really wants yet, and you could end up getting badly hurt once she DOES figure it out.
...............................
|
