A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex husband cheated on me when I was 9 months pregnant he didn't tell me about the infidelity. I found out through work from our boss since we both worked at the same place. We were separated for 7 years and finally divorced 4 years ago. We have 2 children from our marriage. He was never completely honest with me I had to drag it out of him to tell me the truth. Then finally he confessed and told me. I was able to put closure on that but why did he wait until 10 years to tell me? My self-esteem went down tremendously from his infidelity. I always thought that I needed to be like those girls that he had affairs with. I meet someone else and we were engaged to be married until I caught him cheating on me. I ended the relationship that day but I felt I wasted 2 years with him. Since then 5 years on my own I never wanted to be in a relationship it frightened me. Well about 2 1/2 years now I finally got re-married to a wonderful man he is loyal, committed and honorable to me the only problem is that when we make love I keep imagining in my mind when I climax that he is attracted to another woman but it turns me on when I imagine him with another woman. He doesn't know that I imagine this because, I don't want him to know what I'm thinking. I think I'm all screwed up because of my past issues with 2 awful relationships. Finally, I'm in a great marriage that I always wanted to be in. I'm a very attractive woman I model, I was a pageant winner (Won't say which one) I have a very sexy body, but I always have had, even when I was in my previous relationships. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I don't want to think this way anymore. Please advise...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): I think it's because you've always been in a relationship that made you feel as though your partner is attracted to others and not you, that you feel this way.
So for you, you get turned on by the fact that he is enjoying himself with you for the first time and that no other girl is in his mind.
My current girlfriend (my former fiancee) cheated on me twice. It turns me on to imagine that she's having wild sex with another man. But after the orgasm, I feel so much angry and belittled by that thought.
Then I realized that what I was being turned on was the fact that even though she had a choice to be with me or with another, she chose me.
Well, we deserve more than that, as loyal partners. We shouldn't compromise our demand for loyalty just to feel their love.
I cheated on my girl after she cheated on me just so that I can have closure. People tell me, "you can't fix a mistake using another mistake". But I sincerely believe that one mistake has no bearing on another mistake. They're separate co-equal mistakes.
For what it's worth, it bumped up my self-esteem and felt really handsome. Now, my girl is all over me like pancakes. It's not necessarily because of my mistake. It's more of because I suddenly realized that I she doesn't have to be the only source of self-esteem. There are other women out there that are attracted to me. And that's my business.
A
male
reader, Lewiis  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 lol no theres nothing wrong with you, i believe different people are turned on by different things.. Some people like bondage; whips & chains.. Just because you like the odd fantasy of your partner with other women it doesnt make you any different to anyone else, its really nothing to worry about to be honest
Lewis
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