A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried several times and several ways to get my husband to understand that he needs to do more than just exist.I started by having a talk with him about how unhappy I was with how things were with us. He never wants to talk to me unless it is something he is interested in. If I want to talk to him he'll try to hurry me up, or start sighing, because I am boring him. He never wants to talk about how he is feeling and does not take my feelings into consideration. He has been out for work for almost a year now and that was when I realized just how lazy he really is. He can't do the simplest of things. I have to work and then come home and do all the house work. I don't think he pays very much attention to out child, because he is so busy playing games or spending time on the computer.After I talked to him he made some improvements, but it lasted a week. I don't feel I should have to spend the rest of my life continuously asking him if he got this done, or if he's going to do it, ect...And when he does do things I tell him "Thank You" every time and tell him how much I appreciate it. I never feel appreciated by him, ever. I feel like I am his mommy and his maid.After looking on the internet I found a site that had some tips on how to get him to do more around the house and I did what they suggested and again there was some improvement, for a about a week. I was feeling at a complete loss about what to do about everything and when I talked to him he even admits that he knows he doesn't do a lot and that he was sorry. He always says, "I know". But if he knows why doesn't he do anything about it?So finally I typed down everything that I was still having issues with (because he likes to tell me how horrible my hand writing is) and I printed it up and gave it to him. In the letter I also spoke of possibly getting a divorce if he couldn't make a change for us, so we can be happy again. Again he said he was sorry and he tried for a couple days, but we are right back where we started. How many times and ways do I have to try to get him to understand? When is it finally time for me to give up? I obviously want it to work and if he really did then he would try, wouldn't he?By the way we have been married for a little over two years and we have been together for over six. Overall I was very happy with how things were for us. I would say I was 95% happy with our relationship. But for the last five-six months I have been at an average 60% and sometimes as low as 30%. I believe that if people aren't at least happy 80% of the time, then what's the point really to be unhappy. Although I am sure for some people they don't mind it being lower for an average.In addition to his problems with not helping around the house, lacking in communication skills, he also has issues with spending money we can't afford to lose. I feel like he has no ambitions to do anything with his life, like he is okay with just being mediocre. I am not okay with this. I want to know we are going places in life, not just making it by.There are just so many things that it are beyond ridiculous and I no longer know what to do next. I have given him so many chances to make a change and he won't or doesn't really want to. I think a divorce is the next thing, but how do I really tell him I want one? I do still care for him, but I'm done doing it all, I can't and I don't want the rest of my life to be like this and who knows maybe even get worse.
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female
reader, Jesc +, writes (7 May 2010):
 Well, I am shocked. You came across the matter like an adult and he took the childish way out. My husband use to be the same way. I worked all day came home and worked at the house. etc. I did not mind it for a bit. He was looking for a job and took care of our child. But all good things come to an end for him at lest. I told him, If you cannot change your ways then you need to pack your bags and leave. I already have one child and don't need another so soon. Well for a couple of weeks he was amazing, Then it ended. So I used the embarrassment one. When ever the chance came about I tore him a new one so to say. I would tell our friends how I have two kids and let them know it was him. which did hurt his pride. It worked for me.He changed his ways, No I can stay home and clean while he works all day, When he first got the job I let him see what I was going threw slowly after I showed him what he should have done, cooked him meals for work and home, gave him a spa day. He then realized how much of a lazy butt he was. He said sorry. Things are how they should be. After everything you have done nothing really changed. I think it would be best to get a divorce as much as I hate to say it. You are the only one who is doing anything. Let him know you are serious either he changes his ways or he packs up and leaves. You don't need to take care of two children.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I had one of these. I got rid of it. Best $1500 I ever spent.
I think these types are raised or just allowed to be this way. I don't believe you can threaten, prod, induce, or coerce them to change into a better, more productive person. I think they just "are" and forever shall be. I believe they feel worthless and so set about making it reality. You can't fix him. He must want to fix himself and no amount of talking to him til you're blue in the face will change that. I reached the point you're at and filed on him. End of problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): He is probably depressed, but if he's not then get out of there you can do so much better, he is being a total taker.
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