A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I feel really sad about my marriage.My husband is not intimate with me,and my grown kids have very messed life's. They are the result of an absent father. Who dedicated his whole life for his work. He is never making me feel pretty . And I do take care of myself. He is just not into me. He is also ,not getting an erection, but I think he just have an issue with me,because he is healthy. Well,long story short.I have no joy in my family life, husband is cold and uninterested,even so he pays the bills,what is I know a huge help.. but....its not enough. I dont want to complain all the time. But when I look into my family life it is just gives me misery. Some people says,all marriages are like that..They brake down,man cant be with the same woman for 20-=40 years.. Yes i hear those grandmas,with 50 years, but do they love each other? Did they stop sex at 45? Do their kids makes them sad? Or my story is not general,and there are many happy marriages,with great kids. Also can you stay in a marriage like that,or am I just too weak? What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I think it is ok that you have identified a problem with your marriage and your life. I think that you need to draw your thinking away from how you perceive things to be. Instead focus on how you would like things to be...I know we would all like to sail away in a yacht drinking champagne but in the real world that is not possible. You need to think about practical things that are possible to change and then sit your husband down and explain this to him. He has stayed with you all these years so there must be some basis for this marriage. His erection problems maybe symptomatic of a very stressed life or health issues that need checking up with the doctor.
You cannot really control what your children are now doing in their lives if they are adults. However if you talk to your husband then perhaps you will learn what is making him unhappy. I was in the supermarket queue tonight and two men were chatting in front of me about their marriages. The one said he kept things good by taking his wife away from the kids and the house once a month to a hotel for a weekend. It maybe that you need to shake up the 'same old' routine at home and take some drastic action for your future happiness.
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