A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I'm so sorry for making this a long read but I must tell someone.When I was 15 I met a girl on an online game. I had a crush on her but she lived too far away. She on me as well but thought I wouldn't like her like that.Several years later I went to highschool and found out she lived 5 minutes from where I rented an apartment. We talked often, and one summer we started talking more. She and her boyfriend were having trouble, she needed someone to talk to.This continued and something grew between us over the month and we kept talking more, cam chatting. Flirty chatting, naughty chatting, and meeting up. All we did was hug, I've never been hugged by a girl like that before (22 years single). After a few meetings, she kissed me on the nose. Or she said she aimed for my nose but got me on the cheek/lips.One night she had a major fight with her boyfriend over chat (he lived 1,5 hour train ride away). That same night she went to a birthday party but texted me all night how bad she felt. She asked someone to bring her to a friend who she needed to talk to about her boyfriend. Which was to me. In the middle on the night she was at my door, looking for comfort. I had no idea what was going on, I had never been in love. And this beautiful cute girl needed me.We ended up talking a little and in all awkwardness we went to sleep in my single bed, with out clothes on. I hadn't even imagined something happening, we never even did more that hug or that single missed kiss. We both lay awake, I felt her moving around. I asked, "are you tired?" "No.." she answered. All I remember is how amazing it was after that, we kissed, for the first time I felt someone's body so close to me and open to me. I've felt that before when I pretty girl fell asleep on my shoulder in the bus by accident, but that was nothing compared to this... sharing of enery.From there everything was magic. She showed me emotions I had never before felt. As if an entire new world was born because of her. She was my goddess, and I wanted to be with her always, share my thoughts with her, do everything for her.But she was still with her boyfriend. When he got too upset she went to see him, and when she did, I did not want to live. Those weekend were like nothing I've since felt. I was all patient though, I told her, "maybe you shouldn't see me for a while. Try to see if it can work between you two." But she said, "I can't do that, not see you for so long." I wanted nothing but the best for her, if that was him, so be it.But days became weeks became months.We had fights, she promised me to make something happen. She went to him to break up. They had a time-out. Nothing changed. In the mean-while he started the same class she did that september. So he saw her every day. And she wanted me to come sit with them and their friends at their table and I did, which was torture. Seeing him take care of her, hug her, do what I wanted to do. And she allowed him with an apologetic look towards me as thunder struck in my head every time.Sometimes she sat next to me instead of him, rubbing her leg against mine. Whispering our codewords for "I lust for you". It was the most amazing time I had so far in my, still short, life. But also the most horrible. Being torn between floaty happiness and a moment later excruciating pain. Wanting something more than anything I've ever wanted and yet powerless for all my want.It was januari now. Something had to happen or I could no longer live. And so, I told him what was going on for those long months, betraying her trust, taking away her choice in the matter. Ofcourse I didn't let him know it was me, a fake facebook account is easely made. I'm sure there's people who saw us kissing at the train station as she took the last train home she possibly could. A lot of nasty things happened, mostly because of my actions. Sometimes I felt justified for what she did to me, sometimes I was torn by guilt. The conclusion was that she stayed with him, hoping to prove she could be faithful. She promised not to talk to me anymore and avoid all contact.Months passed, I fell in love again but it was a lie, I still craved her and only her. There could only be pitt-stops, but it wouldn't last I knew. And then suddenly, he dumped her again and finally she stopped begging him to take her back. This had been going on for 8 months, she was reduced to a shell, her boyfriend wouldn't believe she loved him. He only used her for lust. Forcing her into things she didn't want but complying in the hopes he would make it official again. Just for facebook. Checking her every communication for signs of her cheating again.Of which I am not sure, but I do know she met up with someone. And that he loved her. She said she saw me in that guy, and that was what attracted her to him.Regardless, he dumped her for the last time and before the week was over she was in my bed again. How she missed my long comforting hugs, and sex that was not painful all the time. And how selflessly kind I was. I forgave her for everything she put me through, and called it unconditional forgiveness to myself. But I knew somewhere that the one condition was that she wouldn't let me down again.I promised her a fresh start. But she didn't want us to be a couple in public yet, everything else was ok. So it was hiding time again, which I came to hate so much. Hiding you love someone is just so... wrong. Love should be shown, the world should know you love someone as strongly as I do her.But everything else went well, she was sweet, caring, called me nice things. And suddenly she told me that after the first few months her lust would burn down to almost non-existant and that it was not because she didn't love me. I felt bad about that because well, sex is nice. But I accepted it and went on. But it seems as if with lust other things went as well. Calling me nice things went to saying "derp" if I tried to be sweet. Or irritation if I said something she didn't like. She often sat on my bed just staring forward not willing to speak or say what's wrong whatever I tried.I've probably missed a lot in my telling but here I am now.She doesn't want to cam-chat anymore, doesn't want to do things with me alone because we see eachother at school every day, physically evades me when I try to get some intimacy which I need to be happy. Being pushed away when attempting to hug her is the nearest I've come to how it felt seeing her ex hug her. I don't even try to touch her anymore, knowing she might comply but will hang like a limp sack in my arms.Yes she tries to give me the affection I crave sometimes. She comes to me to give me a hug or gives me a kiss at random. But it feels as if it's only because she knows that I'll be sad otherwise. She's said she doesn't like hugs anymore because I get sad if I don't get any. I don't understand, if you love someone why don't you want to be close to that person? She says she isn't the sticky type and doesn't like touching all the time which I can understand, but she's perfectly ok without physical contact it seems. She used to be the huggy, kissy type only a year ago.Not all is bad, she bought me a gift that I really like a while ago, is willing to have sex more than she'd have if it were up to her, does me favours. But.. I'm not happy because I need that contact. I need to open up to her and not be pushed away. I feel like she's closed herself to me, closed her emotional core and doesn't like physical contact anymore.I just want to be happy, and I love her, but it's the girl I'm hoping that will come back that I love.Who can help me?
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crush, facebook, fell in love, flirt, her ex, kissing, limp, online game, text, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Unfortunately, I will have to agree with the first two posters on this. I've been in a similar situation just over a year ago. I know exactly how you feel, man. You feel like she truly wanted you instead of him. That she only stuck with him because she didn't know you were the better pick. You felt like you could do so much better for her than he did. So why doesn't she have a much greater love for you than she did for him? It's simple. It's sad to say, but relationships needs spark, conflict and heat. You just seem like too much a safe net for her.
She uses you because she knows that she can. You're the guy she can run to whenever she feels she needs help. But she doesn't truly love you the way you want her to. I can honestly say that she's definitely thinking of her ex all the time. Remember he's the one who dumped her. He's the one she tried so hard to stay with. If she really wanted you, she would have dumped him and came running to your arms. No, she practically begged him to keep her. But he didn't. So what else could she do? She ran to someone who loved her, not someone she loved in return. whether or not you want to hear it, you are second pick. Her ex is still the guy she really wants to be with.
I'm willing to bet that if her ex suddenly came back into the picture, she wouldn't think twice about seeing him behind your back, or even dumping you altogether for him.
But then again, I can't really say I feel sorry for either of you. She's a cheater and you're the guy that got between her and her boyfriend. The only reason you were getting so much affection from her in the first place was because you were an option, not the prime subject. Now that your role has become the main guy, she doesn't feel the freedom of love she once held for you. Now it's mandatory and this isn't conveniant for a cheater. Let her go. She'll only return to her ex or some other guy that meets her fancy sooner or later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers so far, any more please?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): She is not into you believe me. She uses you as a safety blanket and you are like a comfort zone for he. Any time she is stressed out she comes right to you. Stop contacting and seeing her. Try to meet someone else and forget about her. I know it is not easy but this relationship won’t go anywhere and you are wasting your time. There are plenty of nice girls out there that can make you happy try to see. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Wow...flashback...pretty much the same thing happened to me not to long ago.
They werent talking to much at the time we met, she convinced me it was okay for i was having a moral conflict. It started out great and she promised me things. Weeks dragged on to months, pretty soon over a half a year. We got caught, he snooped her phone, we only made out once, but thats all it took as we got caught out of first act. She said to him it was just a heated moment, said she would stop talking to me, she didnt. they broke up, instead of her keeping her promise that shed give me a chance if they broke up, i got "your a much greater guy in so many ways, but i need him". We both ended up leaving her and stopped talking to her about a month later, she got left alone.
Quite similiar to your situation.
In my opinion she is capable of an affair, and if she doesnt get what she wants from you she will, which she isnt getting what she wants from you, she didnt even want you in the first place, otherwise she woulda left him. She used you for needs, needs that her boyfriend wasnt giving her. She may deny it herself, she may think she loves you, but once your together she is realizing this is not as great as it seemed to be, in those movie moments hugging in the rain in comfort, because of what her boyfriend did...its not like that, she still misses him.
Just being honest, ive been through it man, it probably wont end very good between you two.
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