A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and have just moved in together. The problem is that the more I fall for him the more it tears me up to know that he has had many sexual partners. Since the move, I have found (written) indications of other women in his life, thanking him for a good night or notes etc from exes. These are somewhat hidden but i cam across them whilst putting some of my things away/ He has let me know that he has had a VERY HIGH libido all his life (and still does!) and the ladies are attracted to him, plus he has done quite a bit of travelling, so I can do the "math" (or possible math) of how many women he may have slept with over the last 20 odd years. My question is what do i do with the jealousy I feel when thoughts of him with other women arise? He is VERY much more experienced than I am and slightly older with more partners romantically and sexually and it just irks me to know (despite being realistic about it all!) that 1) other women have claimed their love and affection for him and he for them and 2) that he has had sex 'randomly' with women... I also feel insecure in his knowing that I am quite inexperienced and therefore for him, there is no need to feel "jealous" or "threatened" by other partners prior to him.... I know I can't rack up the numbers and don't want to, but what do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (29 June 2009):
 The first thing you can do is stop reading his letters, they are private memories of his past and not written to be shared with you otherwise he would have given them to you to read.
Think of an intimate experience you have had with him in which you wrote him a note telling him how wonderful being together last night was for you. Now project into the future and pretend that for some reason you have ended up with another partner. Now imagine him finding this note (with lots of others you also wrote) how would you feel if he allowed this to change the way he sees you and to allow that to impact on your relationship to the point where his jealously destroyed what was once a wonderful, happy and loving couple...move on.
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