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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi. I'm 15, female. I think I'm an average looking girl, not UGLY but not exactly beautiful either. Lots of folk tell me I'm funny, got a good sense of humour, that kind of stuff. I reckon I'm quite a nice person and pretty smart [without meaning to sound cocky]. The thing is that I've never had a boyfriend. I'm the only one of my friends that hasn't - even my shiest friend who doesn't speak to anybody has had a boyfriend! I'm not saying that I want to be like everyone else, and I'm in no rush to get into a serious relationship/have sex/ etc. I just want to experience going out with someone. I've never even had a boy tell me that he sorta likes me.Is it something I'm not doing, or is that I've not met a boy who will be interested yet? It seems that all the guys round me want the dumb, loud, big-chested girls and I get over-looked. I used to play football - could this be one of the problems? Are they threatened by someone who isn't stupid??I'm at a loss for an answer. Anyone help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Dear I know you are right in not wanting to be stupid for a guy.am proud of you for not wanting to act as someone that you are not.If I were you I would take whatever Lazy guy said as a compliment.There are two types of confidence that I have seen.One is the quiet one that emanates from a person.the other one is the loud and brash one.The latter is not confidence at all in reality.Its just a way to cover up your insecurities.sometimes when people are really shy they try to give sharp answers in retort.I was like that in my teen years.Its very easy to hurt anyone with words but its very difficult to take back the words that you uttered.Low self esteem can easily be overcome.I will always maintain that its the girl who believes in herself who is the prettiest.Who defines the standards of being pretty anyway?Guys??other girls??Don't listen to them.Be nice to everyone.even someone who makes fun of you.Its very easy to retort back.it takes character to be patient.Join social service activities.visit old age homes.spend time with orphans.Feel the happiness at the end of the day.Stop giving a single thought to boys.Its easier said than done.Join art classes.sports clubs.reading clubs.you will find older and mature guys there.Don't talk anything bad about anyone.when you make your heart beautiful there comes a glow on your face thats oh so awesome!! Personally I would never ask a guy out not because I am shy now.(am happily married.(laughing)).Even if I weren't I used to enjoy being pursued.Its more fun that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLazyGuy - yes, I have in-fact asked a guy out, and he was a complete ass to me and kept saying 'Maybe'. As far as being too comfortable with myself - I'm not. I have low self-esteem and I'm really quite shy. I'm beginning to open up a little, however I don't agree that the loud girls that the boys go with are not confident. I think they are in-fact TOO confident.
Thank you for your opinion, but you seem to be saying that it's my fault and that I should play dumb and unsure of what I want just to get a guy. I'm not willing to pretend to be stupid just for a guy...
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 Have you ever asked a guy out? Approached him, tried to find an opening, opened yourself up with all the risk of being rejected in the most humiliating way right in front of all your friends?
No? Well, that is what you are asking a boy to do. Not saying that you have to be the one to ask him out, but try to imagine what it is like to be a guy and have to approach a girl.
So, now that you grown a pair, switched of those neurons that tell you how to pick up clothes from the floor and switch on the fart part of your brains, ask yourself, what type of girl do you approach.
There is a "loud, dumb, big-chested girl" whose every action says the only thing she is intrested in is a boyfriend and boy as dumb as she is, you don't have to do much to impress her.
Or over there is a girl who is comfortable with herself, doesn't need you, treats you like you are just some random person and obviously would be able to see right through you carefully rehearsed lines you picked up from some tv show.
Gee, what a choice!
It is well known that women want men to appear confident. Well, you should know that we men want women who don't appear confident. We are wolves and wolves hunt by picking out the weakest members of the herd and pounching on them when they look most vulnerable.
Remember that you WANT to be pounced, so you got to appear weak. It is not an unknown tactic in the animal kingdom. Some birds pretend to be wounded in order to lure predators away from their nests.
So, try to imagine what guys see when they see you and be aware that being to comfortable with yourself might all to easily send the message to any wolf wishing to pounce that you are going to stamp them into a thin red smear or make a really cutting remark.
Because while we men like to think of ourselves as wolves, in releality we are little puppies and afraid of our own shadow. The thought you might reject them is enough to convince an awful lot of guys to never even try.
Of course, you could avoid all that by being the one to make the first move. Go on, show us how it is done.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): 1 don't obsess about it 2 develop other interests 3 focus on being friendly chatty fun to be with (without being slutty) to everyone AND guys will (eventually) fall over themselves to ask u out. trust me i'm a guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Dear at 15 you are still blossoming.Do not give into peer pressure and have a boy friend just because everyone else has a boy friend.Its better to be single and happy than to have a boyfriend who's not right for you and be miserable. If folks find you funny,good sense of humor etc., they are probably right! Please don't think that you are overlooked.When the right guy comes along you will definitely know.I strongly believe that when the lord made us he made someone else for us as well.There are many guys who love intelligent and smart girls like you.I understand its tough to wait but think of it this way.The best apples are the ones that are picked first and so go deep into the packing case first.So in a shop people who pick the ones that are on top end up getting a raw deal.you are like the apple at the end of the basket.A person who knows to look will definitely find you.Please don't feel lonely.Make yourself successful.I wish I could play football.seems like you are very talented.Be proud of yourself.A confident girl is the most beautiful one.Every girl is beautiful in her own way.
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