A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before I begin, I must admit that I sincerely regret the pain caused by me to the persons involved in this mess,so please, refrain from abusive language or harsh approaches.THANK YOU! Currently I'm in a relationship with a guy since the last 3.5 years. Everything was fine, I believed this is the man am destined to be with channelled by romantic fancies. The harsh truth is that whenever our relationship goes through a low or rocky phase (happens in every relationship, of course) I ponder about my ex boyfriend who seems to be happily committed in his 2 year long relationship. It gets more pathetic when the memories come haunting and I start stalking their (his and his gf's ) Facebook profiles. THAT'S SO NOT ME! Well, I broke up with my ex (he is a great guy) in December 2010 because I cheated on him and couldn't face him. But somehow mustered courage to tell him about reconciliation, which he didn't agree on. And after that episode, I started dating my present bf and fell in love with him. After that through common friends got to hear that HE WAITED FOR ME FOR OVER A YEAR TO RETURN, before he moved on to a new girl. The woman concerned here is extremely insane and insecure and even took to cyber crime in order to humiliate me in front of my ex (she even did that to one of his female friends out of jealousy).This new girl even took care that he doesn't interact with the common friends any more and worse than that tries to emulate me, my behaviour and lifestyle!To be specific, is it normal to think about an ex whenever there prevails a low in my present relationship? Am I not over him yet? I don't want to hurt my present bf or anyone. Why do I still keep thinking about reunion with a man who's now in LOVE with someone else! Does it mean I want him back? This symptoms developed recently, didn't happen in the last two years! Am really plagued by my chaotic state of mind. PLEASE HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): OP it's just a normal response to not being happy with what's going on currently.
When things in life aren't great we, as humans, tend to look back on the past with rose tinted glasses and think things were better.
The same happens when you're in a job that you don't like, you'll look back on previous jobs and think they were so much better. It's just a normal human reaction that means nothing.
You'll have times in your life when you miss being young and in school, it'll seem like those times where the best. or you'll have times when you look back at when you weren't married and think that freedom was amazing. When life isn't going great it's hard to see the future, and the now is not fun to look at so we look at the past for when things were good for us.
Stop feeling bad about it, it's normal. We all do it and it happens us all from time to time. Just remember if your ex was so amazing and those times were so great then he wouldn't be your ex.
How you fix that, OP, is you fix what's wrong in your life at the moment. You need to long hard look at your relationship and whether it's something you should continue in. I can safely say I've never pined for an ex while I've been with my wife, we've had our low moments but I never looked back on any of my exs and thought I had it better. I have been in relationships like that though and I know what it's like to think your ex may be some kind of solution or something you've lost. It's just pointless reminiscence, fix the now, OP.
Sort out whatever issues you're having at the moment, and give some deep consideration into getting out of it and being independent again. It can't be a good relationship if this keeps happening with you, if you keep feeling so low that your shitty ex seems a better option. Something is flawed with that whole thing. And block them on social media, OP, get rid of this ex from your life and look to other things to make your life better.
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