A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend in 40, I am 34, I would love to settle down and have a family and I am aware that, at my age,I probably need to compromise on men. However,my boyfriend and I get on pretty great - we have been together for 9 months now - except in the bedroom department. He has not got a high sex drive and sometimes I even feel as if I turn him off in that way. For example, two weeks ago we went to Scotland and we made love once in four days (bearing in mind that we are a new couple). When I tried to seduce him (nothing heavy, I mean I just tried to kiss and cuddle/stroke him) he told me he needed a cigarette and would be back in a minute. When he came back we did have sex, but I felt - like I always feel - as if I have forced him into it. I am a very loving person, and love to seel sexy and attractive, and I think I am very generous in the bedroom - but I am starting to feel ugly and as if I do absolutely nothing for him. I try to tell myself that sex isn't everything and I have lowered the amount of times I try to have sex and have not been too pushy with him, I don't wear sexy undies (like I would normally do with a man) because I have learnt that this doesn't do anything for him (he barely looks at it - it doesn't excite him in the way my exes have been excited). Am I compromising too much or can I learn to live with a limited sex life? I keep myself fit and healthy and clean - why don't I turn him on?? It's really upsetting and I feel like an old woman alread instead of 34! Please help xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dibmo  +, writes (21 March 2009):
 Hmm..
-First make sure he is not gay hiding behind a woman. I know pretty silly but it happens.
-Make sure he is not having an affair with someone else. Harch yes, but still.
-Is he in a working environment that excausts him or cause stress? That is a complete sexdrive slayer. If so make sure he gets that under controle.
-Don't be needy. It will kill your chances completely. If it is bad go out and be unfaithful instead. Yep horrible advice I know.
If you ever get the chance, even if he is just trying to be nice say no to sex next time. Not demonstating or rude just kinda like "we don't need to do that" "seriouly I'm not in the mood" Pay attention to if it appears to bite.
thats all I can think of.
If nothing works don't be his girlfriend. Be his friend! That is indeed what he is giving you anyway and he should be happy with that.
Hope any of this helps
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