A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i love this girl, and i've known i've loved her since about two years ago. my history with her has been pretty strange. During the beggining of highschool we met through a friend and started seeing each other, we were a bit unstable i guess you could say, we ended and began our relationship over and over again for about a year and a half, after that we stopped talking but always ended up running into each other, however we were both stubborn and despite the clear urge to start talking again it just never happened. During this time we both have dated other people, or seen other people and we barely even talked at all, ( although i could tell she was jealous when i started dating other people, she even confronted me about one girl and got mad because i was dating her. But, she could always tell i was jealous when she was with a new guy. But it almost seems like these people we dated were just there to make each other jealous for no apparent reason.) and even though i've been with other people, sometimes even for over a year, i couldn't help but think about this one girl, even when i knew i was in love with someone else i couldn't get her out of my mind, and i don't know why. Anyways here we are now, or at least in the near past, about four months ago we randomly ran into each other, it was like we never stopped talking, like we havent been apart for such a long time. So we started hanging out again, and i'd ask her things like if she ever had thoughts about saying something to me ever, and she tells me she did because she thought things ended on a bad note between us and that she wanted to mend things, but added that the biggest reason is because she too never stopped thinking of me, because she can talk to me differently than she can with other people, and doesn't have to worry about what i think. So after the first time we got together things started to pick up, and we started hanging out several times a week for months straight and it was kind of like we were together, we talked every day, we cuddled and barely kissed countless times, and she would tell me things i knew no one else would get to hear, and in the back of my mind i knew this whole thing was a bad idea, i knew that i'd regret being close to her again because i'd get too attached, but i was so happy i didn't care. Of course being an idiot i get my hopes up, and think because she stills wants to talk to me after two years of not talking that she must still love me too, and i continued to believe this. So about 3 weeks ago we were watching a movie together and she tells me about this guy, he lives about 10 hours away and used to live in our town about a year ago, they've been friends and staying in touch ever since he's moved away, he tells her he loves her but she's unsure if she loves him, and from what i've seen she acts as a sort of personal therapist for him. She tells me she has feeling for him but he sometimes treats her badly, and upon hearing this i wasn't mad, or upset, or jealous, i kind of simply understood that i have been replaced and tricked into thinking that she actually wanted a relationship with me despite all the obvious signs i apparently misread. So after that day i stopped talking to her once again (The irony, right?) not because i'm mad but because i believe that if she is thinking of this guy then i don't want to interfere, and despite her saying she misses me, i can't help but see her again if she's thinking about this guy. So this is where i am now, and you're probably thinking, "if you're okay with her being with this guy then why are you writing this?" and the answer to that is because i'm in the exact same position i was in the first time we stopped talking, she's stuck in my mind, i've been having dreams about her every night, and it's making me go insane, and honestly at this point i'd rather have her in my life as my best friend then not in it at all, but there's a problem i know that will happen, if i'm friends with her i know that i'll always get my hopes up and want to be more than friends, just because it'll seem like we're still together as a couple. And honestly i don't want that to happen, because not only will i be disappointed if i'm rejected, but i won't be able to see other girls, because i already have one amazing one in my life. And all i've been thinking of lately is what i should do, should i tell her i love her and see her answer? Should i stay friends with her so i can stop obsessing over this? Or should i just stay away from her and try and forget her? ( something that's never happend, even after 2 years of not talking.) i'm at lost, my friends and family all ask where she has been, and what happend, and if we're together and it just makes missing her worse. So with my whole story told ( i havent even scratched the surface..) now i ask you my question : What should i do? I havent told anyone this, and outside opionions are really what i need most, cause i can't think straight. Anyways, thanks for reading and any advice is welcome, even if it's just to stop whining.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Okay...
First i gotta to say that was a very mature way to respond for your age, thinking you may have over seen things rather than getting upset or mad, good for you.
Now none of us here can tell you what to do but we can help you draw some lines for yourself, what you think you should do is up to you.
First of all man, he lives ten hours away, you got the five on three powerplay here if you really want her. You have ment something to her in her life for about four years now. This guy she got some feelings for which is not her fault for you two were apart, but max two years in her life after you stopped talking. She told you she never stopped thinking of you meaning while what ever she had with him. You have been in her life longer and probably mean more to her. NOW, when she said she wasnt sure if she loved him back, have you ever thought that could mean she is slipping away from him to you, who she truly wants to be with? I can see that being very possible man. Hope you get what im getting at.
Now again just my opinion, but i think youd be a fool to go and evoid her. I think you have a shot at her, he is far away and sometimes treats her badly, i think you should go for it but be aware of the risk. By the sounds of it she'd make a great best friend as well. Its all up to you man.
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