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male
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anonymous
writes: I sent my ex an email the other day telling her that I couldn't be friends with her anymore because it is too hard. She sent me a response this afternoon and I just don't really have a clear head as to what it all means... what do you guys think? Part of me is so angry and hurt. It seems like she dumped me so she could be single and sleep around at uni. I am moving on and never speaking to her again. Too much has happened but it hurts so much to be chucked to one side after nearly two years just for the sake of a few random flings. "Hey ******, thanks for the email. I'm so sorry it has taken me a couple of days to reply. It's been a bit manic here with deadlines coming up before the spring break, but not only that, i wanted to work out what to reply. I hate the fact that i have upset you or made you feel bad, it makes me feel so so guilty because of all the times we spent together and believe me, that's not what i wanted and it does make me feel sad knowing that you may not have handled this as well as i thought you had, and while it may seem that i have moved on don't think that i don't think about you or the times we shared together because i do, how can i not! But i still don't regret the decision i made. I am living a completely different life to the one last year now, (and i know that may seem like the lamest excuse ever and really corny) but it is true and i have no other way of describing it. You know, more so than anyone, what going to uni is like. Yes, at the time i was torn between us breaking up or sticking it out because i had no idea whether i was making the right decision or not, but at the same time things had changed over the summer (even tho i didn't say anything to you) but i had changed and going to uni made me realise this even more. It was the hardest decision actually to go thru with the break up cuz i had been with you for so long, but at the same time, i didn't want to stay with you because i felt too guilty to leave you. That's not fair on me. I have just re-read this and i really don't want it to seem that it is all 'me me me', cuz it's not and that's not what i'm trying to do here. I hope what i have written has made sense. I'm sure you know all this already as i've already explained it cuz my reasons haven't changed since October. I'll give you as much as space as you need until if/when you want to get in contact again. I understand what you say about the worse it gets when a friendship is tried and i don't want to continue making you feel worse. All i want is for you to be happy and feel that you can move on. I'm sure you have been making up for lost time and what not, and i am cool with that because i don't want you to keep hanging on to the past. I really don't know what else to say now. If i carry on then i will just end up repeating myself, going round in circles or losing track of the main reasons. Since we have broken up you seem to be really excelling yourself in the musical field what with writing music and not to mention the radio show and the interviews with amazing bands, and gig ticket offers. I must say that while you may not think it, i am so proud of you, cuz i know this is what you have wanted to do for ages and it is great that everything is going well. You seem to have built up so many contacts which will no doubt do wonders in later life. I haven't really stuck to any of the promises i said i would do in my first year regarding my course, getting contacts or putting myself out there. I dunno, maybe it is just a first year thing, we'll see! I think i just need to build me confidence up. But seriously i can only wish that all good things come your way and i wish you the best of luck with everything. xxx"
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): She said, "I'm sure you have been making up for lost time and that's cool" etc.
When you read that, you should be hearing: "I'm assuming you've been screwing other girls and I'm okay with that."
What that really means is, "I've been screwing other guys, and I hope you're doing the same thing so I don't feel any guilt about it."
I don't think you should stay in regular contact with her. You need to split.
Whatever you do, DO NOT be her emotional support all the time just like you're still dating her. She's screwing other guys now, so you need to make her turn to THEM for the emotional connection that she craves in a BF. Don't keep doing the work when you're not getting the relationship & sex anymore.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): OK first of all, its very bad form to post someone's email to you on the internet. That said, you are absolutely right about not being friends with someone you deep feelings for. I don't think it works because its just to hard to see/think about her being with other guys. Its only easy for her because she wanted the breakup. She is over it. Big difference.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (5 April 2008):
 Hi,
You shouldn't feel too badly of her for being honest with you, after all she could be doing all the things you THINK she is (she probably isn't) and lead you to believe that nothings changed between you when it obviously has.
From what I read into the message she still cares for you, but is being realistic and knows your lives have moved on in different directions, or at least her has anyway.
I think she's just being honest with you and herself and has tried to let you down gently, it's hurt you though..........
I can understand why you feel it's too hard to remain friends, but maybe in time you'll change your mind about that, after all aren't honest friends normally the best ones we have?
Good luck!
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