A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First, let me start by saying the past week with my boyfriend has been great. He's been affectionate and talking about marriage, which itself isn't new, and spending all his time with me at my house aside from work. We'll call him DThen out of no where today a guy, we'll call E emails me to let me know he caught his girlfriend N emailing my boyfriend dirty messages all day long yesterday. Apparently she hit my boyfriend up out of the blue and they started exchanging photos and he told her he couldn't talk after work because he'd be with me, and told her he'd be free Friday night, which is my next work night, and was giving her a bunch of compliments and saying dirty stuff to her etc. I confronted him about it and he got very angry and said that I set him up and that it's part my fault because I had something to do with it, which I didn't, and then I told him I needed space to think for the evening. He texted me non-stop begging to be forgiven and keeps insisting I'm causing drama in our relationship. At one point I told him it was over. Then out of no where she sends me screenshots, not sure how she got either of our numbers, and he has spent the remainder of the evening trying to get her to call him. He even told her " you can crash here tonight since my girl through me out for the night. Just don't let her know about it".Well she told me about it and I confronted him again. And again, he insists that it's me playing games and that he knew she'd tell me so he went along with it. In my heart I want to believe him, but it's just too much. I'm not sure why this mystery couple got involved in our relationship if he really doesn't know her but if he honestly felt it was a set up, I don't understand why he wouldn't at least have turned her down for our sake. On top of that, he knows it's not me because he's texted her right here in front of me today. It's like a huge slap in the face and I'm confused as to what to do.Is this still considered cheating if they've not done anything? Do people "just go with it" when they think they're being set up, or does it just sound like the closest thing to an excuse he can come up with? I'd like to think I can go to work two nights a week and not get played by the guy I come home to love on but it just seems like everything was a big lie right now
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 Off course he is not just going along with it. He has been caught out and he is now trying to blame you. Don't allow him to throw the blame on to you. Honestly you are much better off without him, who knows what he is doing when you are at work. This is only one girl, my bet is that he is talking to a lot more at every chance he gets. I don't see how you could ever trust anything that he says.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2017): He's lying to you. He's been planning on cheating. He's Blaming you for the drama he has caused. He can apologize all he wants but will you ever be able to trust him again? I think you know what you have to do. You have to dump him.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 Even if you had set him up, which I don't think you did, he still went for it. And not just once!
You cannot trust this man. Get yourself free. Make it quick and sharp like pulling a sticking plaster off.
It is common for people to be angry when found out and try to shift the blame. He needs to admit to his openness to playing away.
I would not forgive him. He seems thoroughly untrustworthy, deceitful and a liar. He gambled that he wouldn't be found out when you were at work and he lost. He lost you.
Believe me there is someone so much better for you in your future. Take the hurt now because it will be so much worse later on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2017):
 I think your BF is full of shit. And I'm sorry.
I do find it odd that the girl (and guy) so easily got your contact info. The e-mail I can perhaps guess if the other girl's BF went through your BF's Facebook etc. Still....
If I were you I would block ALL the other parties, the other girl, her BF and your soon-to-be-ex. Be done with this drama.
Of course, your soon-to-be-ex is putting the blame on you. He doesn't want to admit he did a sleazy and inappropriate thing behind your back. He doesn't WANT to take responsibility for his actions, instead? He put the blame on you... that YOU set him up blah blah... Why in the World would you do that if you had no idea he was doing questionable things behind your back?
He didn't think he would get caught. And when he did it was an "I got set up" what a load of crap.
OP, it doesn't matter that he DIDN'T physically got to cheat on you. He was setting up a meeting with someone else. He was actively trying to cheat on you, thinking you were too stupid to figure it out.
I'm sorry I would not give this give a second chance to walk all over me. MAYBE if he had owned up to his actions, had some REMORSE and had TOLD you what he ALMOST did BEFORE getting caught, I might have considered that there was something to work on... but this? Blaming you and then keep contacting her?
And the girl in all this? Is she someone he has claimed is "just" a friend? And are you really sure she has a BF? She could easily create an email and pretend she is "her BF" to stir up drama if she was after your BF.
Either way- remove those people from your life. You deserve to be treated better.
And really, going by his actions - if you did stay with him and "forgive this" he will do it again. I mean, seriously... begging your forgiveness yet STILL trying to get that girl to come over... really? That is not the actions of a guy who feels bad for what he did.
Want more from a partner and relationship.
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