A
male
age
30-35,
*ngagedandconfused1908
writes:So to start off I have been with my fiancé for 11 years since we were both 18. In that time we have both been through a lot, however I have never in the last 11 years had a crush on another woman. She has always been the only women who i had any interest in.I have had women interested in me and even had to stop a few from kissing me or arkwardly try to turn it into a cheek kiss. I am an attractive guy so I never had an issue finding women (not that it’s somthing that interests me as I much prefer relationships over one night flings).I recently had a dentist appointment and found my dentist was stunningly beautiful, smart and confident woman, we made the usual chit chat but for the first time in a long time this woman made me nervous as hell. I am usually pretty confident but in this instance I felt like I was in middle school again, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know where to look or what to do with my hands! I got to talk to her for a good amount of time and she came out to the front desk and was talking to me as I left. I have some follow up appointments with her as I am getting some further work done. I have not been able to stop thinking about this girl since I left. The only explanation for me is I am infatuated with her even though I barely know her.My current fiancé has cheated on me twice in the past, we broke up for a few months, however I forgave her as I truly love her and I knew she was dealing with some demons from her past (even though it’s not really as excuse). I cant imagine life without her. This is still somthing that is an issue for me today even though this happened 3 or 4 years back, she has been nothing but perfect since and we both know each other’s passwords for email accounts, Facebook ect. I can still be a bit paranoid particularly with her use of her phone and in the back of my mind I worry that this will happen again in the future.I have not had feelings like this since I met my current fiancé and I don’t know what it means! Whether I am just scared of being hurt and now that I am getting closer to the wedding am I just freaking out? Or is there somthing with this other woman even though I barely spent a couple hours in the same room with her? Hit me with your advice people!
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broke up, cheated on me, crush, facebook, her past, kissing, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 October 2017):
 The overall point we are each making, OP, is that you need to see a counsellor, either on your own or as a couple, because you haven't really moved on from her cheating. You still love her and have maybe partially forgiven her, but you haven't moved past it.If you marry her before truly moving on from the cheating, through counselling, it will end in divorce. If you marry her after seeing a therapist to move past the cheating, it's more likely to be a successful marriage.You may realise during therapy that you feel you should marry her because you've been together for over a decade, but aren't actually compatible for marriage and part ways.Regardless of whether you marry her or not, it's highly unwise to marry her before having at least a few sessions of counselling to work on your feelings about her betrayal.
A
female
reader, Beach1908  +, writes (7 October 2017):
Look I think if you move forward with the marriage - this will come put again- imaybe not in ur dentist but someone else that might be available . What ur fiancé did was terrible- u seem like a genuine guy - anyone that takes that and tries again deserves a lot of credit. I have to tell u though ur trust was broken and at the end of the day it's re surfacing in other things - I honestly think u shouldn't Mary this girl. I know it sounds harsh - I know u have been with her for a while but she is not the woman for u...the dentist is an infatuation but let's hypothetically say she was interested back... now what ... see you would get excited ... do me a favor don't go so quick into marriage with unresolved issues.. don't deny them .. stop and re- assess you are still young and seem like a great guy I wish u luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 It is okay to see someone who you think is beautiful and appreciate that. My guess is that you are thinking about her because you are getting close to the wedding and you are not sure if you are doing the right thing. Remember she is a professional so she is there to be friendly to you.
Your Fiance cheated twice, and you choose to stay with her. However that doesn't mean you are over what she has done to you. If you are still paranoid around her when she is on her phone then it is certain that you do not trust her 100%. If there is a lack in trust then the marriage is never going to work. Only marry her if you are sure she will never cheat and that you completely trust her, if you don't then don't marry her until you sort out your head.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 "My current fiancé has cheated on me twice in the past"
WOW...I do not know if this is brave, or foolish.
If my partner cheated on me twice, I will not be around to give her a third chance, much less marry her.
But to each their own. Life may have put the dentist there as a warning against your soon to be marriage.
I would think real long and hard about your future plans.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 October 2017):
Look, OP, your dentist is just that - a professional not interested in her patients, but she has to make them feel comfortable, as many don't like dentist appointments. Let that go as a harmless crush that will most definitely fade.
As for the cheating, you need to get some therapy BEFORE getting married because you might have mostly forgiven her, but you haven't truly got over it. Do NOT marry her whilst you're still struggling with it, as you need to be sure it's not going to plague your marriage.
There is absolutely NOTHING with the dentist, trust me. Don't even allow yourself to entertain the idea. However, you do need to get some professional help to assess whether you can move on from her betrayal, or if marrying her is a bad idea and you not being able to imagine life without her is more about familiarity, having spent your entire adulthood together, rather than true compatibility as husband and wife.
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