A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I've been seeing a guy for about 8 months now. We ussually get along great. However, we have a small problem: his close childhood friends. His friends mean the world to him and him them, I totally appreciate and respect that. They have known each other for years and are totally close-knit, in a way I've never seen friends - almost family. Generally, when they meet up they like to stay up all night drinking till the morning. I don't mind drinking, i don't drink to get drunk. However, I do like good quality alcohol and am happy to get merry with the right people. For him and his friends drinking is big part of their culture (he argues English culture). The problem comes in that I physically can't drink that much I start spewing and get rashes on my face. I've had a word with him and he generally leaves when he says he will. With his friends, I sense very strongly I'm painted as the boyfriend from hell who takes away their friend, and they resent me for it, even down to calling me unpleasant/jokey nicknames that I'm not comfortable with. It makes me unhappy because I don't sense he explains to them fully that actually relationships are important and realistically as great people as they are, its not my priority to be part of their group because I'm independent and I also think it would be better for the relationship. What do I do in this situation, he says its not a big deal, but time and time again we end up staying up all night drinking with them against my will or them being awkward/rude to me because I'm not participating or holding my boyfriend to his word.
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male
reader, philipgifts  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 I think you both should have to agree to the get to gethers, not just one person. Tell him that you think the partys should have to go through you too. And agree with him on how many times a month you guys can have a party, covering each season with different schedule changes. And make sure the friend know how many time a month your going to have a party. Because if they know the schedule then theyy shouldn't ask if there going to have a party that week, but be informed, state that, we'll inform you if were hosting a party. And talk to your bf about howmany times a month he can go and party at peoples houses, summer,theres going to be more parties than the winter. Set eassy guide lines, e-mail his friends the days you guys will have get together, and instead of your bf saying yes to everything, it should be more like let me talk my bf about it first and I'll get back to you later today. Get organized or they will crush your relationship
A
male
reader, twistedelm +, writes (11 August 2009):
Dear Ms.-When your partner and boyfriend have his Party night; wouldnt be a good idea for you to get together with your girlfriends? There are many people who get into arguments just because they might have a little to much alcohol or leafy herb. Every person on the planet Party's at one time or another--they can be a planned event or a instant happening. Nobody at a Party wants to talk about all there faults; they came just to have a good time with music or whatever. Or just to Relax.... Take Care
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A
female
reader, lynda121 +, writes (10 August 2009):
 hey hun,(hope you don't mind me callin you that) i myself have been in this situation i kinda still are in it i had a baby with my ex but now he's chosen his friends over us (men eh?!) anyway im over it now and i've learnt that you just can't rip apart people that have known eachother longer than your 2's relationship its impossible hun and the ugly truth of it is that the guy will prob pick his friends over you in the end...sucks dun it!
but if the guy is a genuine guy then he will see where your coming from if you sit him down and talk to him about these matters tell him how you love spending time with him and his mate but would like a couple of nights a week just you and him and then show him what he's missing from being alone with you instead of being with you and his friends and also if you spend more time alone with him tell him he'll have more alone time with his friends while you go off and see your friends and how that will make your relationship srtonger and more meaningful :)
hope this helped
luv lynda121
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): hi i see your question there and could really relate. My boyfriend and i have just split up due to his friends. I was with him for 6 years and he couldn't say no to them at all ever so trust me it'll only get worse. Ask him to at least spend some time together alone at least 2 weekends a month or something, i take it this is only at the weekends this is happening. My ex's friends were nearly up monday to sunday
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