A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband had an affair last year with a woman he was working with. He is no longer working with her but still has contact with some aquaintances. Initially it lasted about 6 months. All of this time he made me feel worthless and I now know that he was considering leaving me or making me leave him to make his departure easier. I had a good idea what was going on and I put major distance between us and stupidly had an affair lasting a month as I was desperate to feel some kind of warmth. We tried again with neither of us being truthful and it didnt work. He then reignited with the mistress for another few months. While this was going on I came clean about what I had done, a week later he came clean too, and I put major major distance between us while I was coping with the anger, he was still seeing her at the time and I didnt know. We made the decision to whole heartedly give it a go a few months ago, I am sure he is no longer seeing her. I am not happy about what he did but I am trying to focus on the future and the positives. We are great for a week or two then he raises it up saying that I lied and I am still not being completely honest to my level of participation??? This is creating major problems as I am wondering how long this is going to go on for. I try and hold my tongue but some times I snipe back with what he did to which he blows up at me. He says I have minimised, I may have done but I eventually told him everything but it is not good enough for him. When I think about it he has lied too and still is maybe, but I am willing to put my full trust in him again for the sake of the relationship. At the moment I feel like he is pushing me away and trying to sabotage the relationship like he did when he was first off having an affair. I am confused, paranoid and dont know what to do for the best. Please, any thoughts welcome.We are seeing a marriage councellor and she is great. I know he has other issues that needs working on and is obsessive but it seems that I am the outlet for the negativity.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 March 2010):
All you can do is continue with that marriage counselling. Don't allow yourself to be bullied by your husband. You have both had affairs, but in fairness, he has yet to accept his full share of the blame. I understand why you had the affair, though I don't agree with it. But for him to say that you lied, after the way he lied to you, is so pathetic it's unbelievable. I would suggest to him that every time he goes on about you lying, you just say that it's not up for discussion except with the counsellor and leave the room. Don't get involved with his childish arguments, because that's what he wants. He is looking to blame you for everything and not accept his share. You must not allow that to happen.
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