A
female
age
36-40,
*umpkinNiki
writes:I am 23, I am in a serious relationship. (practically married) We were engaged, but I broke it off.(the engagement -not the relationship) I don't really know how better to put this except.....about a month ago the guy I'm with seems to have developed a multiple personality disorder! Not really, but it seems that way! Sometimes he is the man I fell in love with, and at other times he is so distant and acts like he doesn't care! He doesn't help me with our relationship issues! He doesn't listen! (by listen I mean listen- not obey) I feel like what I have to say and how I feel and what I think doesn't matter to him anymore! He says it does, but his actions say it doesn't! How do I get to the root of the issue and find out how to get him to help me fix us.........or if I should just move on with my life!?! One minute we are planning the future, and the next we almost don't have one together! How do I stop this rollercoaster?
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female
reader, PumpkinNiki +, writes (27 February 2007):
PumpkinNiki is verified as being by the original poster of the question [...continued from last post...]
I just recently found out that a friend of mine has a HUGE crush on me. And my guy found out right about the time of his "personality shift." Since he has finally admitted that to me, I have made it VERY CLEAR to my friend that I am taken!!! And when my guy and I have problems, I won't talk about them (or much else anything else) to my friend! That seems to be doing the trick!
We were already having relationship problems when all this started. And my guy told me that he has been "trying" & "thinking" so hard to not mess us up that it ends up keeping him so distracted that he messes up! I know that doesn't make since to most, but I get it!
My guy wants the 3 of us to be friends. He thinks that will keep it clear that I am taken, and hopefully then my friend will get over his crush, and all will be well! I think so, too!
A
female
reader, PumpkinNiki +, writes (27 February 2007):
PumpkinNiki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I may be posting too big a response! I am having trouble posting anything! Here's the first half of my update:
We've had so many "heart-to-hearts." But it feels like he holds back! I do love him! And I can handle going thru a bit of hell if it will turn out for the good in the end! I do want to stand by him! But if hell is all to offer I have to be the resposible one to say we must move on (for both our sakes).....It's just hard to tell if this is a "should move on" situation! But I don't believe it is! I am ever so slowly finding "clues" along the way.
[...continued in the next post...]
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A
female
reader, PumpkinNiki +, writes (27 February 2007):
PumpkinNiki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've had so many "heart-to-hearts." But it feels like he holds back! I do love him! And I can handle going thru a bit of hell if it will turn out for the good in the end! I do want to stand by him! But if hell is all to offer I have to be the resposible one to say we must move on (for both our sakes).....It's just hard to tell if this is a "should move on" situation! But I don't believe it is! I am ever so slowly finding "clues" along the way.
I just recently found out that a friend of mine has a HUGE crush on me. And my guy found out right about the time of his "personality shift." Since he has finally admitted that to me, I have made it VERY CLEAR to my friend that I am taken!!! And when my guy and I have problems, I won't talk about them (or much else anything else) to my friend! That seems to be doing the trick!
We were already having relationship problems when all this started. And my guy told me that he has been "trying" & "thinking" so hard to not mess us up that it ends up keeping him so distracted that he messes up! I know that doesn't make since to most, but I get it!
My guy wants the 3 of us to be friends. He thinks that will keep it clear that I am taken, and hopefully then my friend will get over his crush, and all will be well! I think so, too!
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A
female
reader, PumpkinNiki +, writes (27 February 2007):
PumpkinNiki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've had so many "heart-to-hearts." But it feels like he holds back! I do love him! And I can handle going thru a bit of hell if it will turn out for the good in the end! I do want to stand by him! But if hell is all to offer I have to be the resposible one to say we must move on (for both our sakes).....It's just hard to tell if this is a "should move on" situation! But I don't believe it is! I am ever so slowly finding "clues" along the way.
I just recently found out that a friend of mine has a HUGE crush on me. And my guy found out right about the time of his "personality shift." Since he has finally admitted that to me, I have made it VERY CLEAR to my friend that I am taken!!! And when my guy and I have problems, I won't talk about them (or much else anything else) to my friend! That seems to be doing the trick!
We were already having relationship problems when all this started. And my guy told me that he has been "trying" & "thinking" so hard to not mess us up that it ends up keeping him so distracted that he messes up! I know that doesn't make since to most, but I get it!
My guy wants the 3 of us to be friends. He thinks that will keep it clear that I am taken, and hopefully then my friend will get over his crush, and all will be well! I think so, too!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): Thank goodness you had the sense to break off the engagement. you may have to rethink the future. Does he get depressed. He may need some professional help if he is so up and down. Definately do not marry this guy with these issues. Do you love him? If the answer is no or maybe then get out of this situation, there is no sense in it. If you do and you want to stay by him then i suggest you try and get him along to the doctors to see if he has some kind of depression looming. If he won't go then have a long talk with him and say you cannot go on like this and need to sort it all out. but you two need to talk and get to the bottom of this.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (19 February 2007):
 From what you say, which dosn`t give us much to go on really, I think you both need to have an evening in; with the TV & Stereo switched off, and have a Good Long Talk. It could be that the guy is really stressed at work, or that you could be over-reacting to silly little things, as it sounds as if you`re stressed too. Often, we don`t make enough time for each other; and a conversation driving in the car or at a cafe isn`t the same as setting "time out" completely, with no distractions, to really listen to each other. Chances are, this guy has some things he`d like to say too, to clear the air, and has been waiting for the right opportunity! We all have lots of different sides to us, and if you`ve been unhappy lately, you may have been behaving differently too! Please set aside a whole evening for a good talk, and if you still have concerns, please write in again, giving us a bit more to go on, and we`ll all do our best to help! Kind Regards, Heather.
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