A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My (ex) girlfriend and I broke up in February after dating for two and a half years. She said she just needed some time to find herself and I was willing to let her have it. All most as soon as I broke up with her a guy, we'll call him James, started following her around everywhere and hitting on her left and right. She has told him repeatedly that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and insists she doesn't like him. She is however a flirtatious person and now that she is single she has every right to flirt. The first problem is how much it hurts to watch her flirt with others. The second problem is that this seems to be leading him on and he has only seemed to become more and more obsessed with her. Before she and I broke up James was practically asking out a new girl every single week. A few weeks ago we went to our senior Prom together and had a great time. We even started getting really close. We ended up making out but were able to stop ourselves before we let it get too far. She says it was just the magic of the night however we have talked and said we could casually date without actually being in a relationship as she doesn't want to be in one till the summer is over. She is the only one I have ever felt this way about and I want to be back together with her. However now I'm having jealousy issues about her being with James and all of his flirting and another guy that she's had history with. I know she isn't in a relationship with me and she can do whatever she wants but I can't help but be worried that I'm too close close and just opening myself up to be hurt with no guarantee that she wont. She asked me to trust her that she wont hurt me but she also asked if I would be upset if she went on a date with another guy if she wanted to. Yes it would hurt but she has every right too.. I just don't know if I can stick around and watch her go on a date with some one else. It'd be too painful and I'd feel like a fool....To top it off, tonight a different guy that we work with and her started having a conversation. He turned it dirty and she just kept talking like it was nothing and made a really sexual comment. This upsets me that she would talk dirty with someone especially with me right there. Now I can't help but wonder how she is going to act this summer when she is going to be out of the state for weeks at a time... I really want to be with her but I don't know if I can take a whole summer of that...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): I know it's hard... but you are coping and doing very well under the circumstances... Ignore the silly awkwardness she is doing. She pretty much just wants attention and doesn't like that she can use you anymore. Just ignore it and act cool, pretend that you are fine even if it really hurts inside. Which is normal okay, don't forget that.Don't wish her good luck, right now she is unsure if you are playing hard to get or actually over her bull behaviour, so you need to stand strong and leave it, if you're tempted to talk to her or mention her on fb, then go talk to someone else, distract yourself from it until it becomes less tempting to go back to her. I know I can't say anything more than keep at it, time is your best friend. I know exactly what you are going through, it hurts now, but it would have been worse and prolonged pain if you kept trying with this girl. Sometimes people like these are just not worth it okay?Finally, I suggest keeping yourself very busy. It helps the most. Catch up with any old friends, try rekindle some friendships that might have been placed on the back burner while you were focused on this girl. Go to new clubs/sports stuff/ etc etc you name it. It's the best way to make new friends, find new interests, keep busy, all that good stuff, by putting yourself out there. Then before you know it, you think about them less each day... it hurts a little less when you hear their name... etc. Hang in there :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told her that she could either treat me like I'm actually special when she says and put in the effort to come see me and talk to me or loose me forever. It's been really hard but I've kept from contacting her or saying anything to her when we pass in the hall. We still make eye contact and she kinda waves at me once in a while but she doesn't usually say hi.. I don't know if she thinks I don't want to talk to her or if that's my answer... On Friday I was waiting for my sister and she walked up to me and kinda stood there awkwardly till I looked up from my phone. She asked me if I was feeling any better (I was feeling sick earlier) and we kinda talked shortly about AP testing but then suddenly she walked off without even saying goodbye.. I don't know what to think of that. She used to do that a lot though. Suddenly get distracted and walk off. She probably saw someone she knew (thinking James may have walked up to meet her after school since I don't walk with her anymore.. idk.. maybe she was just going to meet her mom to leave..)
She is having tryout for her college cheer team this weekend. Do you think I should message her saying good luck? Maybe post my facebook status as good luck so it's like I'm saying it without actually saying it or should I just keep quite?..
I feel so dead and lonely without even talking to her... She was my first everything and it hurts thinking all of that is lost and I will even loose my best friend but at the same time I can't stand getting my hopes up and then feeling like I'm being replaced...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): I know it really hurts... but she's not worth it buddy. It will hurt a lot now, but you need to let her go and move on. Because you will only prolong the pain thinking she is going to treat you properly. She is only stamping on your feelings, she knows she has you wrapped around her finger, that's why she keeps leading you on. It won't change. She will continue to string along all these guys, carelessly hurting you with the flirting. Try to see as little as possible, at least until you are sure you can control yourself and make sure you don't do anything with her, eg anymore making out or proclaiming feelings. You'll see in future that you are better off. Take it slow... hurt like this doesn't go over night so be prepared to sometimes want to just go back to her. But stay strong and you will get through!
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