A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,This might come in as a weird question, but I'd appreciate any advice I can get. I'm 39 and have a wonderful guy I'm going to be married to and well, should I have reason to be wary about my guy going to spas to get a massage from any female masseuse? My mother and a close girlfriend of mine in particular says it's wrong because it seems like he enjoys having other females touching his body and most likely he gets aroused by it and many times that's how affairs start. Granted, he goes to get a massage and not to pick up women. He is very confident in his self image and enjoys walking around nude in the male side of the spa and at nude beaches as well. He says if a woman masseuse or even a male masseuse tries to pick him up or touches him in the wrong way, he would get annoyed and have a word with not only them but the supervisor/manager. What annoyed me was he didn'nt tell me he went a few months ago and got massaged by a female masseuse. I asked him why and he said he was afraid I would get mad and start asking him 20 questions - which probably would have been true. Is it wrong for me to feel upset that part of the massage was to get massaged in the chest area...the massage he had entails getting massaged on the back then on the front midriff and chest area which included his breasts. He said she was professional about it. I was a bit ticked just hearing about the massage on the breast area. (Am I wrong to feel this way?)- they don't do that for females, so why do it for men, right? But even finding out about it made me upset but then I felt sad because I did'nt want him to feel like he could'nt come to me and tell me about his day at the spa. Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MassageAngel +, writes (4 May 2012):
I am a massage therapist and massaging the pectoral region is normal and professional. I try to stay away from the nipples. I do not do this on a woman. If you see him responding to massage therapist who do Light Touch or Release at the End or Full Release then you know something is wrong. This is a sexual massage. Which I DO NOT DO. Massage Therapist are professionals who are trained not to arouse or date their clients. Although it can happen. A professional masseuse will stop the massage if anything sexual happens. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): About men and chests, I'm sure this is obvious but some men's nipples are highly sensitive just like some women are. That said, non-sensual massage therapists would always avoid the nipples.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your perspective. I think it's been hard for me to see my guy with women always flirting with him or at least putting themselves out there in front of him even when I'm standing there right next to him. Most women flirt in front of me to him or even the salesladies do the same thing, ignoring me when it's my turn to make an order. So when he's getting a massage, I feel a ping inside and wonder if he's getting a rise out of this but then again, it's all me. I need to trust him more and understand that a massage is all that it is...and that goes the same for me too when I'm out getting a massage. I know my man loves me and has said that on countless amounts of time. I think I need to start believing in that and trusting that more. He needs a strong woman by his side and one that's confident and not one that's constantly hounding him after he gets a massage. Thanks again for all your advice!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I think you are trying to make more of it by suggesting a guys chest is the same as a females chest. It isnt. Why not go with him next time and have a massage from a guy. You will see for yourself then just how UN-sexual a good massage is. Massages at a spa are totally different to the candlelit variety we do at home with our partners!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Don't sweat it. If you trust your man there shouldn't be any issues about getting a professional massage. It doesn't mean it will lead to an affair or that he is even turned on by other women. Massages are relaxing and release tension and stress.
My boyfriend is always asking me to give him massages - so much so, that for Christmas I went out and bought him a one hour massage just so I wouldn't have to do it for once! A professional is just better suited for it and if you do it incorrectly it could cause injury.
To put your own mind at ease, why don't you go with him? My sister & brother in law often go & get massages together. This way you can see what all the fuss is really about. Or if you don't want to do that, the best thing you can do is talk to him about it. Just tell him how it makes you feel and why you feel that way. Maybe he'll be willing to meet you in the middle on this one.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 "they don't do that for females, so why do it for men, right? "
I know, completely silly. They should do it for women too, definitely. The chest is after all not a more sexual part of your body than any other part of your body, the whole thing is silly.
Jokes aside. The only reason why "breasts" on a female are concidered special is because society has made them so, not because there actually is anything special about them. The female breast is attractive only because it gets covered up all the time and we never get to see them out in public. Its not because there actually is anything particularly more erotic about it. Thighs and legs, even ancles and wrists, were all concidered extremely sexual parts of the female body back in the days when women should cover up completely.
Please don't turn the sexualization of women into sexualization of the man. It's all a natural part of his body and the erotic part is in people's heads only.
Back to the case: your man is allowed to have a massage. By a female masseuse. If you do not trust him around other women don't marry him. Don't try to lock him up in a box. You need to be able to trust him around other women, and if he cheats it's on HIM, not on you for "letting your man loose". He is not your property remember, he's his own person.
If him getting touched up by a female bothers you, talk to him about it, see if he can't be ok with a male masseuse instead. But to be honest I think it is silly to bother so much about this. You should trust your man, not pop him 20 questions each time he's been in contact with another woman.
How would you feel if every time you did something you don't see any harm in, he'd pop you 20 questions about it? My dad does that and let me tell you it gets annoying to the point where you don't want to talk to that person any longer or tell them anything about your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): No, there's nothing wrong with a man going for a massage. You need to get some perspective here!
As for massaging the chest area - that's perfectly normal. It all depends on what sort of massage you're getting. Classical (swedish massage) doesn't always include the stomach and chest area but most oriental massages do (even for women).
Let your man enjoy a bit of space and stop being so paranoid. Your mother and girlfriend are out of line suggesting that something more sinister is going on and frankly its in very poor taste for them to make you anxious like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Hi there,
I don't know. It depends. I wonder if maybe you are being paranoid? If he says he is going for only the purpose of getting a massage, then maybe that's all it is, right? And if you are paranoid, then maybe you should go also and you won't feel bad.
You will be fine. If he loves you like you said, then it's good.
: )
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