A
female
age
36-40,
*mily
writes:Hi,I was in love with a guy.We are in relationship since 2yrs now.We decided to get married.He used to do all lovely things to me.Very caring,Affectinate,Not at all aggressive and all.Everything was so smooth and going pretty well.Suddenly a girl came in between and he got involved with her without revealing it to me.They were dating each other ,having fun together.Nothing was known to me.Atlast i discovered their affair and i asked him to choose one as our marriage was few days later.He apologized and said he will forget her and will come to me and still loves me.He did that but i find a drastic change in his behaviour.Seems like he pretends to be in love with me and don't have any feelings for me now.Its hardly 10 days for marriage and he still thinking about her.i never thought my marriage to be like this.he must be trying hard but i'm suffering as i'm not geting my expectations.No charm for marriage.I'm still excited after this episode but i don't find the same charm in him for our relationship.evryday its been a fighting over petty issues and its very hurting and painfull.I dont want to bind him or force him to love me.I want him to come back to me by choice and with full dedication,committment as it was earlier.What should i do?m really confused.Marriage is so near and we have such doubts in our mind.Not able to concentrate on anything because of all this mess.Please help me out and suggest what to do.
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affair, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Cerberus is right you need to tell your parents what has happened and tell them that you need time to get your head around this, if you are forced in to this marriage it will only make things so much worse for you, you and your partner need time alone right now away from each other to think about what you truelly want, are you really going to forgive and forget and hope that he will love you back some day? There is a lot that you both need to work on before getting married, so tell your parents that they need to postpone.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Tell the parents to stop. You wish to postpone the wedding. It is best if both of you go and talk to your parents, make it clear that neither of you are ready to get married until you sort all of the issues out. They may deny you of this and they might even try to persuade you that such a thing is not necessary but you BOTH have to demand that they postpone the wedding and make it clear that neither of you are taking no for an answer. This is no way to enter marriage.
And you are not stupid for being caught in a difficult situation. This was not your fault, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, smily +, writes (18 November 2010):
smily is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi All,
Thanks a ton for your responses.I understand what you all are saying is very correct.But somehow i missed the chance to say no to this marriage.Now parents invited everyone and did all the arrangements.So quite harder to do that.Any ideas(Should sound very natural) to break this.Else if i go ahead with this how should i make this relationship work.I know i may sound very stupid but its all my confusions those are driving me.Guide me what to do.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (12 November 2010):
Is it possible for you to postpone the wedding for now? Talk to each other about it. Does he still want her? Tell him that he should not marry you if he still wants her because you want him to love you because he wishes to, not because everyone expects him to. And you have to think about it too. When you look back and remember what he did, the secrets he kept from you, will you be able to keep a clear mind? Just talk through this and when you are absolutely ready, get married. If he loves you out of pure love and not because he is forced to. Perhaps you can spend some time alone together to reconnect with each other so that he can be sure of what he is feeling.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 November 2010):
Call off the wedding, dont hurt yourself even more by getting married to this man, he doesnt love you, he broke your trust, he cheated on you with another women, how could you forgive that? While you were gettting prepared to marry him he was off having sex with another woman, he is not ready for marriage, and if you both get married it will only make it worse if he runs of with this other woman because divorcee is so much harder to deal with than breaking up with a boyfriend.
You deserve so much better than this, and you forgave him so easily for cheating on you that he probably thinks now if he does it again he will get away with it, he doesnt love you, you know this through his behaviour and we cant force anyone to love us, leave him and find someone who deserves your love and commitment. goodluck.
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