A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a journeyman commercial painter. And yes as a woman in a mans world I already deal with enough crap. My bf has absolutely no respect for what I do. He thinks there's no physical labor involved in my job. I tried to explain to him that I had to go through 3 years of school for this and complete over 6000 hours of on the job training. He also thinks all I do is "slap" paint on the wall. He won't even admit that I work hard everyday. According to his logic I don't have the right to be tired at the end of the day and exhausted at the end of the week. Is this because he is insecure about the fact that I work with men or is it just out right disrespect and no respect, and how do I get him to at least understand what I have done, gone through, and sacrificed to obtain my knowledge and title. I worked hard and some appreciation would be nice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): No he's just an asshole or he's frustrated with your constant tiredness OP. There's a reason it was traditionally a man's job, because it's a manual labour trade, pretty heavy duty manual labour too.
OP it's 2013, only an idiot thinks women don't work hard in pretty much any job they do.
Painting is tough work, I did a good bit myself recently and that was only some minor primer work on my gates outside but that was just for myself, not time limit, casual painting. As a professional your work has to be perfection in all ways, done speedily too, it has to be a standard that is as good if not above your rivals and it's very much a craft that has to be mastered and trained extensively for.
There's no such thing as an easy trade, if it was that easy people wouldn't pay you to do it they'd do it themselves.
Even office work is tiring, sure it sounds like you're sitting on your ass all day, but you're using your brain for complicated process, dealing with people, crunching numbers etc for 8-10 hours straight, that too is very taxing.
OP if he's that much of an idiot that he doesn't see how painting for 8-10 hours straight, all the complex processes of picking the right rollers, brushes, taping off areas, carefully painting corners, using a long roller on a pole, bending into awkward positions and and having your right arm raised and moving all day is not hard work then the only way you'd be able to show him is draft him in for a full day of doing that in a work environment but of course you can't.
Look no one is that stupid as to not know how taxing your job is, I have to wonder though what effect your tiredness is having on you and the relationship.
I mean he could well just be saying "it's not that bad that you'd be THIS tired". Perhaps OP your tiredness is having a negative impact on him. I mean if your tiredness is your excuse for not having regular sex or constantly refusing to do anything fun, I mean if it has become your excuse for everything then I can kind of see why he would dislike that.
I'm not saying that's the case OP, but maybe look yourself is there things you feel you can't do due to your tiredness? Are there things he pesters you for and you want him to only understand how hard your job is so he'll leave you alone about those things?
Because I would be pissed too if I was with a woman who was tired 5 evenings a week, tired on the weekends and never wanted to do anything because of that and especially if it was their excuse for not having sex regularly.
I mean shit OP, you don't just have to work to earn money, relationships require work too and if you're too tired to put in that work then it will fall away.
Talk to him, instead of looking for appreciation and trying to score points find out what it is about your tiredness that bothers him. If you already know then you already know he says those things.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 June 2013):
 I think insecure men with outdated views have a need to put down more capable women as it shores up their extremely fragile insecure ego.
Such men are not the norm. And you don't have to put up with this rubbish.
Good Painters are priceless. They need to listen to instructions, calculate the right amount of paint. The right sort of paint. Communicate well with clients. Be aware of safety. They need to assess the job, price it accordingly. Pay attention to preparation. Somtimes some repairs before they can paint. And the actual painting has to follow the rules to ensure that the finish is even and professional. They can also stain timber and paint decks to ensure the deck loks good and lasts longer.
They have to keep an eye on the weather. Be tidy. And Fastidious about cleaning their brushes, rollers etc. They have to be careful when painting around windows and woodwork. And ensure that they get payment from the client.
Good painters can also hang wallpaper. And remove old wallpaper.
And then there are specialized skills that some painters can manage, like marbling and other fancy finishes an occasional client may ask for.
He is being very ignorant if he cannot see that you work hard for your money.
He is disrespecting you.
Though he probably disrespects many others in his daily interactions with others.
He would be insecure whether you modelled swimwear, headed a Bank, trained a football team or remained a painter.
If he cannot be mature enough to respect all the skills you employ then put a YouTube presentation together explaining and discussing what you do and how hard you work, showing you via time lapse images the time it takes to do all these things. Not only may the YouTube presentation be a hit with the public , but hopefully he will stop denigrating you once it sinks in just how hard you really work.
Just exactly what is it that he does? Rocket Scientist?
He needs to learn to be more respectful or he may lose you to a nicer guy.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 June 2013):
 I think we're missing some of the story here, at least that's what I'm sensing here. Is he getting annoyed with you being so tired because he wants to do more things with you after work and during the weekend? Or is he just acting pissy at you for what seems like no reason?
Can we get some clarification here? Is there any reason he's upset at you over your tiredness?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): I think it is probably a mixture of him not having a clue what your job actually involves and the fact he is upset that you are better at this 'man's work' than he is. My boyfriend also thinks I don't work hard so I know how annoying it can be. He thinks because I sit in an office all day and 'only write' (I'm an investments copywriter in financial services) that I have no right to be tired or skip the gym now and again. I think everyone thinks other people's jobs sound easy to a certain extent, because we don't know what is involved. But to repeatedly say it to that person is disrespectful and undermines their achievements. My strategy with my boyfriend is I have started telling him his job is easy too. You'll be surprised how offended they get when they have been doing the same thing! I said it back every time he said it to me, and now he doesn't really mention it at all :)
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