A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My self opinion is based on what other people think of me, and so if i dont have a bf I feel like i am worthless and not loveable. I hate feeling like this. It is horrible feeling like your happiness depends on someone else. How do i change this? Ive tried self esteem activities where i write down all the things i like about myself and postive self talk but they dont seem to work. The werid thing is, i dont really see much wrong with myself yet there is some weird feeling that i am worthless and i feel like no one likes me. Like i dont think im ugly, in fact i know im pretty but i just dont believe being pretty is worth much, i dont think its matters. when i ask myself what i hate about myself i cant really think of much, apart from the fact that im not into the usual things people my age (19) are into, so i feel a bit like an outsider and as if something is wrong with me.I think i am a really nice person, i always try my best to please others and i do genuinly care about everyone, even people who i havent met (hence why i try to help people on this site). yet the bf's ive had in the past have just screwed me over. one treated me realy badly and another broke up with me because i wwasnt ready for sex and the last one i think broke up with me because im too 'different' to him. All my friends have very successful relationships and it makes me think am i doing something wrong? is there smething wrong with me? i dont understand why they have long term relationships where they are so happy and i dont, i am always just geting treated badly, used and dumped. Any advice??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 Hi, Let's hope we can get you to realize that you are all you have, even twins are two separate individuals. You are born into this world as a special individual, you have your own gifts. You may not even know what those gifts are, but in time they should be revealed to you. You may be able to write, to paint, to work with people to inspire them, to work in a science field, to invent things, or some other talent that will be revealed to you in the future. We have to search sometimes to find our special gifts. They are there inside, waiting to be exposed and refined.
Then you must insist on, you loving you, you must become your own best friend, love yourself for who you are, one of God's creatures, that he bought into the world, to carry out some special task, that only you are able to perform.
Look into yourself, find your core, cherish yourself as a
good person. Find some older people, and be a friend to them, you could also look into being a big sister, to those younger than you, young people need mentors. You are going to grow as you get older, fine out what things you like to do, that make you feel good, do those things, your worth is
dependent on how you view yourself, others can approve, but you must love you first. As that love grows, others will be drawn to you, don't put yourself down, it doesn't help, you must build yourself up, and increase your self-esteem.
Go to www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137, look for
"Finding Your Core". Read it and internalize it, print a copy for yourself, and read it as much as you can. Be your
own best friend, you are definitely worth it. Believe in yourself, you will shine. Good luck to you always. Stay in touch, and let me know of your progress.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): It sounds like deep down you do lack self-esteem, in which case maybe you could get some counselling, or carry on with the stuff you are doing in that direction, as you may just need more of it.
It could be that you have different interests to the people you know and need to mix with others who are more on your wavelength. For instance you might want to join a club or class or something, to find like-minded people.
People will only treat you badly if you let them. You are right to give up on them if they are not treating you right and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It could be that your standards are higher than those of your friends, and they will put up with more than you will. It's important that you find someone who accepts you as you really are, and it sounds like you have the courage to wait for that instead of settling for just anybody.
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A
male
reader, salvation  +, writes (18 April 2008):
i think its down to the guys you have been out with them treating you like crap has resulted in you doubting yourself and feeling like crap. You need to find a nice guy and forget about all those losers you dated in the past.
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