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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am recently through a divorce that had become rather bitter at the end. Despite that, I have tried so many times to salvage a friendship with my ex and even reconcile because I truly did love her, despite the fact I know we were not a good fit in the end. We also have a child, and I wanted to maintain more than just infrequent texts or emails between his mom and me, for his sake.The real problem is I'm in a relationhip with a wonderful woman who is like the soul mate I never had. I can tell I have a very special connection with her, but it is admittedly hard fo rme to fully open up to this relationship because I am not whole yet. I still have pangs of loss and sadness from the end of my long marriage, and some uncertainty about the future. I have no problems with this new partner...the problems are all mine. I can't let go of the past and be optimistic about our future. I have not talked about this, for fear of losing her or putting false worries in her head. Truth is, I am getting better every day, and am putting off my immediate feelings because I know they will subside, and my openness for her will grow. But I'm worried I will always miss something about my ex, and more significantly, my ex-life, that will interfere with the wholeness of this relationship. Not sure if I should tell her, keep quiet and wait, or something else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): My girlfriend is exactly in the same place as you only her marriage ended ok. She doensnt feel anger towards her ex for cheating. This worries her. They split up 4 years ago. We have been together for a year and Its been a whirlwind romance and we communicate every day. Now her divorce is being made absolute very soon. She is very confused as to how she feels towards me and her ex. We love each other immensly but now I havent seen her for 2 weeks and she wants some time on her own to work things out. I want to comfort her and share her pain. I love and miss her sooo much. The uncertainty is killing me.
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female
reader, TEM  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 You are progressing well. You said it yourself - each day you are getting a little better. That's really good. It's a process and takes time.
Divorce is like a death, except for the fact that the ex is still living. However, like a death, it is a loss, and you must grieve it as you move through the stages. Because the divorce ended badly, there is anger and bitterness. It will take some time for you and your ex to get past that and establish the civil relationship you desire. Don't give up on it. Keep the lines of communication open. Let her know that you still want to be part of your daughter's life.
And now you have met someone special. It is difficult to build a new relationship while you are still grieving the last. I imagine you must feel as if you are not giving your new girlfriend as much as she deserves. This is not the greatest timing, but don't beat yourself up about it. Your fears that you have about not being able to let go of the past are just that, fears, and they are normal.
Although I have a feeling she already understands, it might be helpful to sit down and tell your new girlfriend some of what is going on with you. You say she is your soulmate. That means you feel very comfortable with her. Talk it out and you will see that you have less to worry about than you thought. Sometimes we fear the worst, when it is really not the case.
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