A
male
age
51-59,
*r.Worry
writes:I don't know if there's anyone out there with this problem but my girlfriend is alot smarter than me which imtidate me alot.She went to USC and I dropped out of community college after one semester because I simply can't speak in front of a group and at that time communications was required.I knew I'd never be able to that.I took a zero on every one in high school but had high enough grades to cover it.I know you say a better education hasn't got that much to do with someone being smarter.Street smarts for example.But she has forgotten more street smarts than I'll ever know.She been everwhere and done everything life has to offer.I have been in the same house in Tennessee my hold life and only been 400 miles from here ever.I'm 40 and have been in this house since i was 38.I thought I had all the time in the world to do more things but was nearly killed in 1992 and was forced to stay here from lack of money.Noway I could go now even if I had money I have to help and be here for my grandmother.Now don't get me wrong,I did drank and did drugs like a rock star and had more sex than i can count.I still hate that my girlfriend is so much smarter than me.She never lets me know it or hold it over my head how much smarter she is.She says I'm smarter in other ways.That's bs you tell people.I did that to an ex years ago.My g/f loves me even tho I don't see why.Everthing about her is great.I just hate being so dumb.Please help me.
View related questions:
drugs, grandmother, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, timorous +, writes (31 October 2008):
I have been dealing with very similar issues. My girlfriend has a first-rate mind--she's brilliant, curious, thoughtful etc. I am constantly reminded of her intellectual superiority whenever she asserts herself in conversation or in the classroom. It can be very upsetting for me. At first I didn't deal with it very well--I got jealous and resentful. I got really down on myself. But at the same time my esteem for her skyrocketed. It was an awful trend; as I felt worse and worse about myself, I admired her more and more. And that admiration was mixed with extreme jealousy. I started wanting her to fail at her endeavors. I worked extra hard in school to make better marks than her just to improve my confidence. But deep down I still knew she was better in some way. It really got to me. And the thing was, she was so modest and humble. She never mentioned it at all. Maybe that's what bothered me so much. Sometimes I thought she suppressed thoughts of her own superiority. She's very kind, and it would be like her to block out thoughts that she was better than me. That made me even more resentful because I interpreted it as condescension. But you know what? She wasn't feeling those thoughts at all. I was reading into it. True, we both know she's smarter, and sometimes I mess up and get jealous, but on the whole I'm doing better. I don't get angry or jealous nearly as often now. So my advice: yes, she's more intelligent than you. Accept it. And yes, (I would know) everyone values intelligence highly, so it hurts to know that a significant other is better than you in such an important respect. But you just have to be humble. Humility is a virtue. And I've found, the more I'm humble and accept her as she is, I am able to move on from jealous thoughts and appreciate her more instead of resent her.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 February 2008):
 My hat is off to all three of you, dear friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 February 2008):
 As you probably can see, this is your problem, not hers. You need to deal with this problem head on because it will sabotage the relationship if you do not.
From experience, I was married to a man for 20 years who did not have the formal education I had. He had his own smartness and excelled in areas I couldn't even spell. In the end, we divorced not because of the education or smartness but because he was not happy with himself. He could not be happy with me, without me, period. I tried to make him happy and to make him see his contribution to the world but he couldn't. Being a positive person, I just couldn't deal with his self esteem issues anymore. Please work on loving yourself for who you are. Your woman does.
Currently, I cherish a man who is not as educated as I and really, what attracts me to him is that he is smart. He helps me talk through things when I have issues. He has a clarity about him that I do not and it's calming. Additionally, he enjoys life, is generally happy and is really really relaxed about things. That is so comforting to be around and I really need that.
So, I know I've gone off on my life but really we are all attracted to what we need so something you have your girlfriend needs. Please just cherish and enjoy her and let her enjoy you.
If you still feel inadequate, work on yourself. Don't toss aside this wonderful woman because you are not up to your standards.
Take Care
...............................
A
female
reader, Serinity +, writes (21 February 2008):
 It seems as if you have a lack of self esteem. If you think she is so great and smart and she loves you, then that should make you feel good. You say she's smart right? So don't you think she's smart enough to know who she wants to be with and what she wants out of life? I think you're just being too hard on yourself. She loves you for who you are and that should make you feel good. If you want to enhance your education then you can always read books and/or maybe try some online courses. You're good for her so don't worry yourself so much. Good luck hun!
...............................
|
