A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this girl (she's 29, I'm 30) for about six months now and everything has been going absolutely great. About a week ago we got into an argument, our first, at work and i yelled at her a little bit. the whole thing lasted about 20 seconds. We work directly together 3-4 days a week btw. At the end of the day when i saw her again I apologized for what happened and explained that i was just angry at other things and she unfortunately got the brunt of it. She said its ok, i just need to deal with it. I really hurt her feelings, she said she never thought I'd argue with her like that. She sent me a text later and told me how much she cares about me, loves me and knows i feel the same. She said she new i was upset and wasn't trying to be mean to her. She was in an abusive relationship about 6-8 months before we started seeing each other. So its been about at year since she's been with him. I assume it hurt her even more due to the issues she had before. Anyway she said she needed a couple of days, so i gave it to her. I asked her how she was and stuff after that, she then sent me a text saying she couldn't be in a relationship with me right now, she was having a hard time. Hearing this absolutely crushed me. again she gave the whole i love you and miss you along with that. The next week at work everything was normal. she was acting like nothing happened, nothing was wrong, and talked and acted like she did prior to the fight. i want to give her a little space and time to decompress, but i want to know what the chances are. Not knowing anything is killing me and i don't want to push the matter to much. i don't want to push her away if she is coming back. It hurts thinking everything is OK with her and she doesn't care, it hurts that she said she cared for me so much over the past 6 months then threw it away over one bump in the road. Any advice as to what i can do, say, not do? Anything will be helpful. Is there a chance? Thanks for listening
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male
reader, Cultuz  +, writes (14 September 2011):
She could be using that argument to end a relationship that she did not want to be in in the first place.
I know I've done that several times myself.. Waited for an argument and then using that argument to break things up, when I already wanted out prior to the argument.
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (14 September 2011):
It sounds like she still has issues about the ex, and when you got angry at her, it brought up those feelings and she wasn't been able to deal with it, so has left the relationship. I'm guessing this is her way of keeping control. If she has ended the relationship, but is acting like it never happened then I would say you should tackle this behaviour. There is nothing wrong with occasionally making mistakes in a relationship, apologising and learning from it. She needs to understand this. Just because you raised your voice, doesn't mean that it is a sign of something worse. If you have had a great 6 months together then hopefully that will account for a lot and she will want to give it another try. If not, you could challenge the way she decided to end the relationship. If you can work through this issue, it will make your relationship ever so much stronger as she'll be able to trust you on a deeper level. Maybe give it a little more time but in the meanwhile show her your funny, relaxed and confident side - maybe it will reignite the feelings she had/has for you and you can then take it from there. Hope it works out for you.
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