A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i dated this girl for a little while, and she wound up doing me really, really wrong. she lied about everything from the start. and i mean everything. she lied about having only one semester left before earning her masters degree in computer science, when in reality, she had only one semester of community college under her belt before she quit. she even went so far to elaborate the lie that she told me that she had an "internship" at a power company around here, and had a great, high-paying job with them lined up for when she graduated. she would even tell me when she was "at" her internship, and even went into details about what she was doing while she was there. of course i never questioned her because why would i? she told me she was gay and had never, ever been with a man, when in reality, i found out she'd been with more men than women (not that it would have mattered to me either way). she went on to tell me that she couldn't stand bisexuals, and how it was so gross and people just needed to know what the hell they wanted and make up their mind. she told me she had bought a house with her ex and was still on the mortgage with her and even went into detail about how she got her name off the mortgage. the day she "met to take her name off", she went into full detail about where they were meeting and told me elaborate details all about it.she told me the truck she has, she bought with her money, turns out her ex bought it for her.i found out she had been seeing other people, including her ex, during the entire course of us being together. she faked the death of a famly member. i could go on and on and on. but my main point of all of this being that i started catching on to her lies and she started to push me away. finally the relationship came to an end. and when i found out the whole truth about EVERYTHING she had lied about, i was horrified. i'd never experienced anything like that before. that there are people like that out there in the world really alarmed me. it was really shocking and an eye opener that people could be that way. and i was really angry. atypical of myself, i went on to text her and call her out for all of her BS. i wound up saying some things that are very much not something i would ever say to someone. i'm a very easy-going, kind-hearted person. i mean, i didn't cuss her out or anything, but i was harsh. could have been worse but could have definitely been a lot more tactful. but basically i told her off. problem is this. with having a really big heart, it hurts me to be harsh to someone, even when they deserve it. i still, for some reason, HATE leaving things in a rude, angry fashion. it really bothers me we left it that way and the last things i said to her were basically telling her off. it almost throws off my inner peace somehow, if that even makes sense at all. my question is this. would it be stupid of me to text her and at least tell her i don't wish anything ill upon her and i hope life works out well for her? would that be something weak, or would that be like being the bigger person? i don't like to look weak, but i CAN'T STAND leaving things undone. i'm over the lies and over her. don't get me wrong, she's nuttier than squirrel turds, but for some reason, it's really eating at me to have told her off as the last thing i ever said to her. should i text and tell her it's not like me to behave like that, and i wish her well? or should i just leave it undone? i know she deserves being told off, but like i said, it really makes me not feel right inside. help and advice please!
View related questions:
her ex, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I really sympathise with you because I also have to leave things on a positive note, no matter how the other person has treated me. Any harsh words that I have said haunt me and sometimes I can't sleep at night knowing how my words or actions might have hurt people. So I understand why you want to put this right. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong in my opinion, because you can look past what she has done and still wish her well. She sounds really disturbed and probably lives in this fantasy world because she is deeply unhappy, I can think of no other reason why she would tell all these lies. So forgive her, but as the previous poster said, have nothing more to do with her. Write to her and wish her well, tell her you're sorry for the way you spoke to her and hope she will get the help she needs, and then move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I can tell you that she is mentally ill. I am also mentally ill but I am in treatment for my illness. I don't know what illness she may have, but whatever it is she is not in treatment and only she can make herself well, (by getting help and taking responsibility for herself and not using her illness as an excuse.) As a person who is ill, I can tell you that it would be very kind of you to tell her you hope she has a good life and goodbye. Many people treat us like we are not human and that we do not deserve respect and love, or that we have no feelings or heart. Sadly when you are ill you do terrible things and do not realize what you are doing. But if she ever gets treatment and can find her way to a better place in her mind, then she will be greatful to those people who showed her kindness, even if they are gone.My past is riddled with people who used and abused me due to me being ill and not in treatment, so they were able to manipulate me and hurt me. And I look back at the pain and each is a scar I need to heal. This will be one less scar for her. But just say your goodbye and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cultuz  +, writes (14 September 2011):
She's mentally ill if what you describe is true. A pathological/compulsive liar.You should text or call her and tell her that even though she does not have your respect or love anymore, you bid her a good life.After that, do not, ever, contact her again. Being in an emotional roller coaster with a mentally ill person is a hell of a ride... And not the good kind.
...............................
|
