A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been very depressed for a long time, about 3 to 4 years. I told my bf of 2 years about it and sometimes talk to him about it, yet I find it diffcult because he makes me feel bad because I am depressed.Anyway he told me that if I was not so understanding and patient with him, the relationship would have ended a very long time ago because of my problems. This really hurt bad and I don't know how to take that, or what it means. Does he think that I was a bad catch? I sorta feel that he does not love me like I love him. I'm worried he is only with me because he would not be able to afford to be by himself.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): well dont panic!!! just stop and think of whats been goingon in the relationship so far,and try to think why he would be telling you that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno way am i going on any type of medication, i want to be happy on my own not with the help of some pill.
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A
female
reader, bodylotion +, writes (28 March 2006):
 I think he really loves you but he can't cope with all the depression he has feelings and he feels depressed at times to.You need to see a doctor were they can give you medication for stress.PLease don't let this minor thing come between your relatiosnhip.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 email addy on the forums lol...think its in the breakup one
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (28 March 2006):
First you have to have hope that things will get better. It will take time and alot of hard work but you will get there. It seems to me that your partner is not being very helpful at all. I have to ask, how do you feel about this relationship?
It is hard to suggest things since your partner seems to close things off. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve your apperence but you also have to accept yourself for who you are. People who tease you, who mock you are only expressing their own insecurities and projecting them onto you. You are fine for who you are and people who love you love you for that.
You can always come on here and post. Plus if you want to email me then my addy is on my profile. Take care :).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, i have spoken to him about counciling but he does not like the idea at all, he said that we can only talk to each other or family about our problems no one else. i was keeping journal of my thoughs which i was finding it helped with my depression but he found it and told me he did'nt want me writing in a journal and he would prefer me to talk to him yet he makes me feel like im a mental or bad person because i have depression. i told him my depression started when i was a teenager when family members and kids and school would pick on me about my appearance or anything else, so now i hate my appearance and i am even thinking of plastic surgery, im always at the gym and i always watch what i eat, my self confidence was further decreased when i found out he had a porno collection,i confronted him about it and my feelings yet he lies about it which makes everything worse. iv tried talking to family but they dont really give any good advice and i dont have any friends to talk too mostly because i find my bf flirts with any female friends i make and if i get any male friends my bf gets jelous or i find with male friends they protend to be my friend then later on the tell me they like me more then just a friend then i say im not intrested then i never hear from them again,its very fastrating and i often aviod being friends with a male now because iv been used so many times.anyway im just over being me and i hope i get better soon because i dont want to live my hole life feeling like this, but i just dont know what to do.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (23 March 2006):
Hiya,
Hope you are well today? I am sorry to hear you are going through this; how do you think he would react to the idea of joint counselling where he was involved? Obviously he is having problems dealing with this situation too. He should be helping you fix the problems and if he can't cope then at least allow you to get assistence. Joint counselling however would be a way to involve him. Just a thought. Take care :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you dazzerg, you made some really good points that have helped. my bf has never been very supportive when i told him about my depression , i told him i was talking to a councilor and then he got mad and banned me from ever talking to a councilor again, he said he wish i would talk to him but when i do he says my reasons for being depressed and not good enough and he often reminds me that i have issues and have social problems yet he does nothing to help me get over it other then remind me all the time, i dont need someone to tell me i have problems i already know this, he is very dismissive i explained some of the things that upset me the most and he would call me names or once again remind me of my problems instead of helping me fix the problem.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (22 March 2006):
First things first, you should never feel guilty about being depressed or let anybody make you feel that way. Your partner especially should be a source of support and it is bad for the relationship if he creates an enviroment where you feel unable to express your feelings.
However, alot of people do have problems dealing with people who are depressed and find it hard to cope, especially when it is someone you really do love and care for. Looked at that way what he said might not be an expression of lack of love so much as it actually existing.
I think the key thing that you need to focus on here is yourself. 2 years is an awful long time to stay with somebody simply because you can't afford it. Also, you have to bear in mind that where there is a will there is a way; if he really didn't want to be with you he would have found a way to leave by now. Hope that helps.
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