A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just want to know if there are people who used to be in the same situation and how you managed to recover.My ex cheated on me and left me for the other girl. I did not know he cheated and has a new girlfriend and begged him back for 2 months. He told me that i was unable to integrate into his friends social circle, and i will not be able to mingle well with his relatives as well since i am quite an introvert. the breakup was via sms and the begging too, coz he refused to answer my calls and also to see me when i went over to his place. Most of the time he will ask me to stop irritating him.It was until his friend told me that he had cheated on me and is already attached that i gave up. He also mentioned when we were together, he had to go for regular one night stands since i did not satisfy him sexually. It has been a year since our break up but i still feel very sad n hurt. Especially when he is still with the girl he cheated on me with. Sometimes i feel i will just die if they get married.I tried telling myself things like we were not compatible, she is more suitable for him, its not meant to be, there will be someone out there for me etc etc. i tried to hang out more with friends, went out for courses. somehow whenever i am free i will start to recall everything again. I even signed up for a dating agency hoping that i can find my true love.Anyone experienced this before? It has been a year and is it abnormal for me to still feel sad and hurt? Does this mean i should go for counselling? Thanks in advance to whoever is able to advise me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I am so sorry that you have been treated like this. What a dick this "man" sounds like - breaking up with you through SMS?!?! This happened to me too, with my ex whom I was living with. What a "man" huh!
This piece of shit has come in and crushed your self esteem. You could be grieving for the loss of your self-love rather than the actual loss of him...
When someone has come in and crushed your spirit like this, the most dangerous thing you can do is rely on a man for your self-worth. This is how the vicious circles of abusive relationships begin.
When you realise that you deserve a man who will respect your personality as you are, there will be more hope of finding him.
There is absolutely NOTHING that you cannot overcome. There are more important people to lose in life rather than this scumbag.
I wish you the best in finding your strength again :)
Laura
A
female
reader, Angel Wisper  +, writes (9 August 2010):
Hi, I am so sorry that you've had to go through all of this. You should never feel that it's your fault or that you did something that steered him the other way. Every relationship holds problems so you can't say that theirs is problem free. In answer to your question...No!...it's not abnormal to feel this way after a year. In fact, it's very normal and it just goes to show what a passionate, loving and caring person you are. You seem like a very sensitive and emotional person so it may take you a little longer than average. I promise you that once you're over the pain, your eyes will open and you'll wonder what on earth you were doing with him all along.You're main concern should be yourself now. I'm glad that you've tried to do things for yourself but you need to stop obsessing about your ex otherwise you'll do yourself doing more harm than good. You've been doinga ll the right things and I commend you for that. be proud! You don't need him and YES you will find someone else that's everything your ex couldn't be. The only way to avoid the fear of them getting married is to not move around in the same circles as your ex's. You don't need to know what he's doing with his life now. You have no control of him, only yourself.
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