A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, well my problem is this guy I think likes me, he flirts with me often, and has been for the past umm 3 years, and he recently added me on Facebook. He asked me if I have a boyfriend, which I don't. My best friend (whose a guy)told me that he is trying to get me. Well my question is, how do I break it to him gently? Hes a great guy, but nows not a good time, and I don't think there would ever be a "time" for us. I hope I don't sound too harsh. Hes a great friend, just not boyfriend material to me, I'm sure he will find someone else though. Thanks!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice, and I think for now I will let it settle and see if anything happens, and then gently break it to him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): Maybe the guy is not really trying to get you as much as you think, he is probably wanting only friendship, and thinks having a boyfriend/girlfriend is the only way to have that, and prolly thinks marriage is the ideal, thinking that is the only way he will have a friend to talk to. I bet he is not after what you think he is, just friendship. Sounds like the guy doesn't have a lot of friends, and he may have deep down issues he just wants to talk to someone about, a listening ear or ears would be even better. Don't judge a book by the cover, sometimes the most rugged, worn out, barely discernable title, has a decent book inside. As a guy, I jus hate it when women think I am after thier ass cause they are pretty, built like a playboy bunny, has a great personality, and has a shine on the inside. When they do, yeah, I wind up in the sack with em at some point, and that is not what I want at, speaking from experience. I do my best to keep my mind on friendship level, thing is, it takes two or more or better to do that. You ladies sometimes make things so complicated when hell it is not that complicated at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): I don't think you sound harsh at all! It happens sometimes...someone falls for us, and while we like them as a friend, that is all we would like them to be. Just a friend.
When he flirts with you how do you respond? Do you flirt back? Do you feel awkward and not sure what to say? Do you think he maybe feels you are accepting of his flirting and feel the same way? I will admit that I struggle to handle it when guys flirt with me, because I feel uncomfortable. I don't want to hurt them, but at the same time I don't want them to think I like it and feel the same. Do you feel that way too?
Even though it can be hard, I think there comes a time when you have to try and be a bit firm. So next time he says something flirty to you, maybe you could try saying something to him. Like, "Thanks for the compliment/comment/whatever, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm really not interested in anything more than friendship."
Or you could approach him about it and bring the subject up. Maybe you could explain to him that you really value the friendship and appreciate him as a friend, but you are concerned that he might feel something more for you. And then explain that you don't see him in that way, and all you are interested in is friendship.
I know it isn't easy, because it is something I struggle with too! But I think it is better to be clear with him, otherwise he may just never get the message. Although you are worried about hurting him, I don't think telling him any of this is too harsh, as long as you just explain in a gentle way. But just be clear that you don't want anything more than friendship, and stick with that. I'm sure he'll be okay about it, and it is probably better to let him know now so he can deal with it. I hope this has helped. x
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Well the truth will hurt, but it's the truth right? I have change a little of what you said...See if this works...
"You are a great guy, but nows not a good time, and I don't think there would ever be a "time" for us. I hope I don't sound too harsh. You are a great friend, just not boyfriend material to me, I'm sure you will find someone else though."
Your own really.
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