It feels like this marriage is about to die

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

So we've been married for almost eight months. But I can't open up to him emotionally. When I do I get shut down sometimes. He'll say things like "I'm not in a kiss-ass mood today." In one of our former arguments we discussed this and I told him not to assume that, but his excuse is always the same, "It seems that way." This has happened four or five times. He tells me that I am trying to/making him look like the bad guy, but when I sign out, because I am hurting, he says "You didn't get what you wanted and you left." as in he thinks that that proves that I wanted him to kiss my ass, because I signed off. And he says I still till the end of the conversation, and I feel like well of course you can you are the one that is doing the hurting. It feels like I am usually there for him emotionally, but he is not there for me emotionally. He will say he is, but when the time comes for me to be comforted I get excuses. And he says that I go on and on. Last night after he said sorry I wanted to get offline and cry, but then he had asked me twice what made me sad, and when I was explaining it a second time and venting some, I get "I'm not in a kiss-ass mood today." Before we even got married (I know I should've been wiser) he wouldn't be there for me concerning my PTSD. He told me to get over it. So I told him that deserved better, and was breaking up with him, and then he acted like he was going to kill himself. We got back together, and now I feel like I should've told him that he was trying to get me to kiss his ass when he wanted comfort. Maybe I should've let him go then, Idk. I just feel like I have nothing to offer him anymore, and it feels like I am being used for one thing sometimes. Idk if it's cos of my past or what, but I just feel like I can't emotionally open up to him at all anymore, or talk to him about things cos last night he was all "Well some things you say bore me but I still listen." Some things he says bore me too, but I wouldn't say it, until last night after he said what he said to me. And he calls my signing offline childish, but yet the games he plays, making me the defendent eg "tell me why i shouldnt assume ur trying to make me kiss ur ass" and then saying that i make him out to be the bad guy get on my nerves. And we're both poor, so I feel like until we get a divorce if we do, I'm just not going to open up to him about things anymore. I've always said I would eventually stop, that I didn't need his comfort or him, but I think this time I'm really going to do it. I'm really going to let go of him emotionally no matter how many times he says sorry this time. And I'm going to stop being there for him emotionally. It feels like this marriage is about to die.

View related questions: divorce, got back together, his ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009):

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009):

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009):

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