A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently my gf broke up with me for no real reason at all. But anyways aside from that I have been trying to move on with my life but it’s been really hard. It really feels like she is trying to play psychological warfare with me. She’s flat out ignoring me at social events (we share allot of the same friends) but she has already started flirting with each and every one of my friends right in front of me... is she trying to hurt me intentionally? She has also been talking to all of our mutual friends about the break up and it feels like she is trying to shift the blame of the break up on me, am I right? It literally feels like she is trying to make herself feel better and shift the blame of the break up onto me solely. I guess I’m looking for confirmation on my thoughts, but I would gladly take any criticism, any views are welcome. Thank you
View related questions:
broke up, flirt, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 Good for you:) that just shows that you have smart and good friends.
Yep that girl is aiming for more then 6 feet it seems. Don't let her get a raise out of you.
With her behaving like this it might actually make it faster and easier for YOU to get over her. She wasn't a keeper.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your speedy responses! In reply to you honeypie; my friends just explained to me that they think that she is fibbing about the breakup, they know me very well and what she's been saying counteracts everything I stand for. The flirting fell on deaf ears, and in fact this girl claims that she can have anyone she ever wants; very immature in my eyes! Of course her girlfriends are supporting her behaviour slightly, but I must admit that at the end of that evening, her friends did move to a different table away from her and started to watch her in disbelief. Operation; dig own grave is in progress I think.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): yes I think you have a pretty accurate idea of what she's doing.to take away her power, you need to just ignore her completely and not give a hoot what she is saying or to whom. believe or not, if you ignore her completely and don't attempt to do any damage control, this will all blow over eventually. A year from now, or 5 years from now (hard to say, depends on how long she stays like this), no one will care what she said about you today. if people stop being your friend because of stuff she told them about you whether true or not, then they were not your friends to begin with. Real friends would not judge what their friends do in their personal intimate relationships. Real friends would come to you if they have heard bad things about you because they would want to give you the benefit of the doubt and to hear it from you. If people don't do any of these and just stop being your friend because of the lies she's spreading then they're not your friends to begin with and it's good that she's weeding them out for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 August 2013):
I agree with Cerberus - ignore her behavior. Be civil, or just polite since you share friends. Don't play her games.
And yes, let her dig her own grave.
How did your friends react to her flirting? Because her flirting with them and blaming you kind of show that she is/was in the wrong - and if your friends aren't totally dense... they will see right through that.
Maybe the ending of this relationship wasn't a bad thing? If this is how she act?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (30 August 2013):
 Your conclusion seems bang on to me.
I think that's exactly what she's doing. It shows how immature she is, not to mention tactless.
Hopefully her actions will make the pain of you losing her easier to bear.
Real friends will see right through her lies and support you.
You seem to be a very astute and clued up sort of guy to me and am sure you will meet a lovely lady worthy of your attention.
I wish you all the best AB x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): Sounds like you're right. She's just the usual ex thing of trying to hurt you to validate herself and stroke her ego. Or maybe so you'll show more emotion or to get you to fight for her.
The best way to handle it is to completely ignore her, let your friends know you don't care what she does or who she's with so it gets back to her that you don't give a crap and be smiley, happy and have a great time any time she's around.
You see OP when exs do that it means they're hurting and they want a reaction. If you're hurt then that makes them feel better because they feel you still care and they matter. You're in the middle of a break up now so you know that's one of the things you miss from being with someone.
The thing with people like that though is if they don't get the reaction they want it backfires and they just end up feeling worse. So don't give her the satisfaction. Ignore her, be happy and have fun, and just get on with your life like she never existed. If you have to fake it then do that but don't over do it. Telling your friends you're over her and you're fine about the whole situation will be enough for this to be deflected back onto her.
Just don't cave, OP. The worst possible thing you can do is show any sign it's working or confront her etc. Let her talk her shit to your friends, if she's the only one going on about it and you're calm and relaxed about the whole thing then she's the one who is not over you in their eyes. She'll look like the desperate one.
Let her put any blame she wants on you, if people ask you about it tell them your side, but otherwise let her dig her own grave here. You know as well as I do that women doing that is the most obvious thing in the world, you've surely seen friend's exs pull that shit too at parties and stuff. It just makes them look like desperate attention seekers not fully over the guy. Let her portray herself in that light and just play it cool.
...............................
|
