A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for almost 17-years. When we started dating (first year) we had sex almost everyday. After 5-months into our relationship, we were informed that my husband could be a dad from a former girlfriend (she had four boyfriends at the time). We didn't stop our lives because there could be a chance the baby wasn't his and why stop one's life just because of a possible child coming into our lives. Well we decide to get married and later the child is born. DNA tests are done amongst the possible five guys,and the child turns out to be my husbands. As a responsible and understanding adult I tell him that it's best to take care of the baby girl and be a good father. Anyways lets fast forward. I feel that since then, he has punished me for the mistake that he has done. He is cruel to me , yells at me, blames me for "finding" out, and we haven't had sex for almost six years. He claims that there is no one else and yet has no sexual desire. This is awful because it makes me feel unattractive. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2013):
 You think his attitude and abusive behavior is ONLY stemming from that point in time where he was told to man up? I don't. I think THAT guy, is who he is. The fact that no matter how cruel he is to you, how much he punishes you, you STILL stick around.
The no sex part ( I agree with Janniepeg) it's another issue then how he treats you. He might have a medical issue that has lowered his sexual desires, such as low T or stress. (there are many more issues that can lower a person's libido) and some of them are fixable, others - not so much.
What should you do? Maybe remove yourself from the situation - either by separation or divorce. OR ask him to go to marriage counseling with you.
Your focus is on how no sex makes YOU feel unattractive, how about the abuse?
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 September 2013):
 For more than 16 years he had been hating you for doing the right thing. Yet the lack of sex could be due to age, or being impotent. He feels old and useless so instead of checking up his health he blamed it all on you. What you did, accepting his mistakes, agreeing to marry him and be a step mom, was very Christian like. He does not deserve you and you did not get the appreciation for being open minded and thoughtful.
I feel the love child and the sex issue are two separate ones but the long list of bad things about him you are almost asking us if you should have a divorce or at least try marriage counseling.
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