A
male
age
41-50,
*amesyd82
writes:I have a bit of a dilemma! I am from a well disciplined upbringing, very close to my mother... and with a firm believe instilled in me that i should treat others with the respect i would expect myself. at the start of this month, on a social networking site, i had a random friend request, which was from a rather cute looking girl...so i accepted, and a few days after, i plucked up the courage to say hello...something simple just to maybe get some back ground information as to why a real cute girl would want to know me...cut long story short...she replied, we hit it off, constant messaging then she said take my number, can text continuously. as time progressed, i found myself admitting to her that she opened up a big void in my heart which i never thought would ever be filled. now i aint going to admit it is love, because i believe love is built over time, but there is certainly something there between us. problem now though is i feel i have left it a bit late to make any kind of move because she has a boyfriend. my main dilemma is do i, as i would normally, take a back burner and make no contact...or just subtly text once in blue moon, see how she is?? because i am despairingly reading over and over the messages we have sent each other over past few weeks.It feels like a spring rain in the desert, for someone to come into your life and install some believe there is happiness out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Well in that case, if this is a girl you really care about and think that there is a good possibility that you two could eventually work out i would try to keep minimal contact. Allow for a friendship to build, check in every once in a while but do not attempt to win her over while she has a boyfriend.
If her relationship is supposed to end with this guy, it will, just dont be the reason she breaks it off. Let her decide. If and when she is single, test the water. If you think the feelings are reciprocated, tell her how you feel.
Women dont like to be toyed with either. Playing games, like not contacting her at all to not seem desperate, never works out. You only dig yourself deeper into the dating hole. The next time you have feelings for a single girl, let her know. Be honest and upfront. You might get rejected but at least you'll know that you did what you could. Hope this helps some, feel free to message me if you want to talk in detail. :)
A
male
reader, jamesyd82 +, writes (25 April 2009):
jamesyd82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi there, and many thanks for the reply.
i did not really explain in great detail did i, forgive me please.
when we started talking, she did not have a boyfriend. i went to stay at a relatives house, and without wanting to be seen as possessive/desperate, i would not text her, as to give her some space to see if the thoughts were reciprocated.
maybe it was due to me desperate for happiness that i allowed my emotions to become overwhelming, but you need to have your fingers burnt to know not to play with matches.
it was only when i got back to my own flat, and was able to get back online that i noticed. now i am not a believer of once in a relationship you are restrained from talking to the opposite sex, as that is all that has occurred since we commenced talking is moderate hello...how are you talk. i know it may seem that i am making excuses, but from an outsider looking in, i think it is personally sour grapes, not making more of the opportunity when it was available to me. p.s. i am not a f**k em and chuck em kind of guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): I was in your exact same position. I met a man through a social networking site and we started talking. we built such an extreme emotional and mental connection, it was the first time since my breakup with my ex that i felt like happiness existed. we would text and talk on the phone and spend hours online talking about all the things in life that we cared about. so i, like you, started to fall for him. it was only until right before we were supposed to meet did he bother to tell me he was married and in the process of a divorce. Since then ive cut contact. My guy is still in a relationship, whether ending or not. As is your girl, she still has a boyfriend. By talking to you and building a connection with you, she is emotionally cheating on her boyfriend. If I were you I would ask myself, is it worth it to wait it out if she is planning on breaking up with him for you? And if yes, will you ever be secure knowing she can easily talk to other men when she dates you since she was doing that to her current boyfriend? I personally think you are wasting your time if this girl is still taken and hasnt given you any indictation that she plans to break things off with her boyfriend. You deserve someone who is actually available, go your separate ways and find a woman who knows how to be exclusive to one man.
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