A
female
age
51-59,
*eardrop33
writes:Can anybody help me on how to deal with what I think I am having is insecurities? I was married for 14 years to a guy who preferred drink to me and it was a domestic abuse case,the second guy who I got engaged to put me down a lot too so that ended. Now am with another guy who is brilliant but....for example it gets my back up when he adds yet another female on Facebook and it can rile me at times.He is a pretty chatty guy and very sexual but sometimes am like mmmm would I be better off with the single life???
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female
reader, Teardrop33 +, writes (6 December 2010):
Teardrop33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for taking the time to answer it means a lot.I am 43 and he is 48...his ex wife left him for another man leaving him with his daughter. He adds on people from work mostly but the large majority are females...for example he was at my flat one night staying with me and when I was sitting next to him he was chatting away to another female then another came on and in my head I was like hello I am here you know!! Obviously
I went in a wee cream puff lol and he asked why so I told him and he did apologise.
I guess I keep worrying about what ifs..it would destroy me to find that the relationship is not true if you know what I mean x
A
female
reader, loveistheanswer  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 It depends the context in which he's adding them, my husband and I are both fairly jealous so every once in a while when he adds a certain female I ask who it is and he obliges with an answer... mainly its women from school/childhood who friend requested him, and a few that he friend requested out of old frienship nostalgia, and there are probably more guys than girls on his facebook... so all in all to me this looks like a fairly innocent and acceptable picture... you need to examine the details and the context in which he's adding these people, who are they? how many of them? how often, and why? make sure you friend each other on facebook, if he doesn't want to do that and connect your name to his on his relationship status that's a big red flag, otherwise have a policy of openness about what you do on facebook and know each others passwords, if there's nothing to hide theres nothing to fear...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): I'm sorry you have suffered such emotional upset, and domestic abuse, just awful, so sorry!
I'm sure this has taken it's toll on your self-confidence, and perhaps with the kind of guys you are selecting, attracting or even settling for. That is not a critique of you at all, this can happen if we end up in abusive relationships.
You don't say exactly how old you are, or the guy you're dating, in a relationship with, but any man over 45 who is on facebook pretty regularly adding 'females' to his facebook 'friends page' and NOT including males, I would say is an indication he is fairly emotionally immature and not really ready for what you might want, a grown-up, mutually rewarding, secure relationship.
Facebook and many social networking sites are notorious for causing many a hic-up in a relationship. And you already say he is " very sexual" not sure what you mean by that, but it doesn't sound relationship material to me, but I'm a woman with firm boundaries. I presume you mean he can be 'very sexual' towards other women, or is very suggestive, either way stepping back and looking at this logically, why is a man over 45 on facebook adding females to chat to????
You know him, I can only go by what you say, or as I'm doing reading between the lines, you have probably met him via facebook, or perhaps online, so you know his movements with regards to this. Personally if a man doesn't enrich my life, meet the basic requirements/criteria of what I'm looking for, then being single is a doddle. I have no problem with it at all. It's only when you worry about being single, that sometimes we compromise and settle for what we know is not really what we want.
I would talk to him about this - if you haven't already, as I'm sure you would prefer to have a relationship with an emotionally mature man, who you don't have to be wondering what he's up to, or chatting to on facebook, opposed to a guy who's trying to chat to as many females as possible, as he doesn't add them, just to look at, or does he?
Please think carefully about this man, you've had enough heartache, and you sound so nice and genuine.
Jilly
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