A
female
age
36-40,
*auraly
writes: Im 23 and have two boys 3 and 8 monts. I just got out of a very bad relationship of 3 years. and now im with a new guy. We ave been together for about 5 months. And he's great, i love him so much and i know he loves me to.But theirs a problem, at the begging of our relationship we were watching a movie and their was a girl on it and she took of her cloths and he said dame! And it happened more then once,saying how pretty some girls are that have been on movies that we've watched. And he's said sorry about what he's said.It's just i've had two kids so i don't think my body looks very good. He saids he loves the way i look, but how do i belive him when he's said those things more than once like 4 times. I don't know what to do,eventhough he's bought me a promiss ring and told me he wanted to marry me some day. I still can hardley watch a movie with pretty girls taking their cloths off, without geting mad at him and thinking he's thinking about them in a sexually way, and wants me to look like them. It's making us fight, and could end our relationship. Please help me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Thank you too, and Im glad I could be of help :)
A
female
reader, lauraly +, writes (29 January 2010):
lauraly is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all your help your right, i'm the only one puting myself down! And yes we both need to relize what we look like is ok1 Thank you so much for your advice it was very good, and honestly i already feel better about myself in a way. You really made me think about it from another point of view, thank you. Oh and as far as it goes for the dark circles under your eyes, everyones got them! And i hardley think there that bad. So don't worry, i'm sure your beautiful, because your words and wisdom sure are. And he does treat me very well in bed, he's very affectionate and caring. He says he loves being with me "if you know what i'm talking about" So i guess that means your rigt!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): I don't know how you can build up your self esteem, thats a tricky task and I don't think there's a simple answer. But hearing him tell you he loves your body, and paying attention to the way he looks at you, how he treats you in bed, might make you believe that what he says is true. Believing him must come from yourself though, and not from anything else. I mean, you can't sit around and do nothing and expect confidence and trust to just land on your head, you have to be active in the decisions you make. Make the decision to trust him and believe him, and rule out everything else you think of that's negative, as just lies? After all, who's telling you you look bad, isn't it only you? Sure women in movies don't look like you, but no one on earth really looks alike anyway, and many of us have complexions about this or that on our bodies. But that shouldn't keep us from enjoying life and watching movies should it, that would be restraining ourselves. Me myself I am pleased with my body but have dark circles under my eyes that I've been told only I can see (you know how bad the light in the bathroom mirror can be), and I keep looking at people on tv to see if I can spot any bags under their eyes. It's just wearing me down though. So maybe its about time for both of us to accept what we look like, and start to believe what others tell us?
Your boyfriend should know after all what you look like, and be the one to know the best since you can't even see all of you like he can (without using multiple mirrors). Btw, I used to watch a British tv show about how to look great in the buff. They picked out a woman and if she had an issue with for example her belly fat, they lined up ladies of different sized bellies and asked the woman to place herself where she thought she'd be on the scale. Consistently the women placed themselves on the complete opposite side of where they actually should be. It just shows how wrong the image we have in our heads can be, and how far away from reality it is.
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female
reader, lauraly +, writes (29 January 2010):
lauraly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat you said is rigt, makes alot of since when put that way. "your not blind just cause your in a relationship" I understand that, but how do i become more comfortable about my body with him? Why don't i belive him when he says he loves everthing about me? any tips on working on my self esteem? so maybe i can watch movies and not be bothered?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): You having a problem with your body does not mean everyone has a problem. Your boyfriend told you he loves the way you look, and I really don't see any reason why not to believe him. I mean you can look at actors and think they have great bodies too, can't you? You're not blind just because you're in a relationship. But it doesn't mean that you don't love the way your boyfriend looks.
Just because your boyfriend loves the way you look, he doesnt have to think everyone else in the world is ugly. But let him know you don't like him commenting on other girls when you are around, because you aren't that comfortable with your own body at the moment and feel compared. I don't think it's proper of a guy to comment on the looks of other women around his girlfriend, unless the girlfriend is completely comfortable with it. Which you are not. I dont think he would like the idea of being compared to Brad Pitt either. Then again, he might be comfortable enough with himself to understand that you still love his body and looks, even if you think Brad Pitt (or any other actor) is good looking.
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