A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for 4 years. This is both of our second marriage. He had 2 kids and I had 4 kids from our previous marriages. We now have a 2 yr. daughter together for a total of 7 kids. This man can be loving to me and the baby...not so much to the other kids (these kids are ages 10-18). He has alot of anger -- I think from stemming from childhood. He has often shown very impulsive behavior, lashes out in anger and has even walked out on our family several times saying "he is done and he doesn't care if he loses it all-kids included." Every time he is "sorry" and promises to never do it again...and it happens again. I don't know what to do...every time I let him come back and get "sucked" back in because I care about him. Help..what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): Talk to him when he's calm about measures. What can you do when he looses it? Perhaps you can keep up a mask and say the right things that will calm him down. Perhaps he's not gotten used to the new environment with all the kids yet and is freaking out and simple adjustments could do the trick. Together you can figure out why he reacts like this, and how to prevent it. Do you believe him when he says he's sorry? Then he probably also is, and has an anger control issue. It takes for him to work on himself, and good routines for how to deal with the situation when his anger-rages begin could help. Like thinking of something nice, a nice memory with all of you, or maybe he has a room in private where he can go sit down when he feels the anger bubbling to the surface, so he can calm down.
Adults are not that different from children, no offense. When children behave badly they need discipline, and they learn the rules. Parents could use some of these rules as well. Like the classic "go to your room and no dinner for you tonight" when they throw a tantrum. Talk this out with your husband of course, this isn't supposed to me a mind-play. But Im saying that adding some rules of conduct could be helpful. A "what-to-do" list. Next time he wants to lash out, or begins to lash out, he has to realize what he is doing and remove himself from the situation, then come back in a calm state of mind. If he can identify the patterns of his own behaviour, he can stop his out-rages before they go too far.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (29 January 2010):
Why don't you try couples counseling or try a marriage enrichment course. Perhaps each of you never dealt with the reasons why you broke up your previous marriages so maybe you have taken the same habits into your current one. With fighting and bickering, there is often his version, your version, then there's the truth. There maybe a button that you press that triggers this 'I'm throwing in the towel' response from him. It's probably not your fault but you need to ask yourself what part you play in all of this fighting. Nobody can carry on a fight with a silent person so there is possibly stuff you say too that makes the arguments get to this. If you can't solve this then seek help; 7 other lives are at stake.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (29 January 2010):
Why don't you try couples counseling or try a marriage enrichment course. Perhaps each of you never dealt with the reasons why you broke up your previous marriages so maybe you have taken the same habits into your current one. With fighting and bickering, there is often his version, your version, then there's the truth. There maybe a button that you press that triggers this 'I'm throwing in the towel' response from him. It's probably not your fault but you need to ask yourself what part you play in all of this fighting. Nobody can carry on a fight with a silent person so there is possibly stuff you say too that makes the arguments get to this. If you can't solve this then seek help; 7 other lives are at stake.
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