A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so a beautiful relationship I was in endedbadly. We were together for a little over two months, but I poured my heart and soul into the realationship during that time. After she did many hurtful things to me in the last few weeks, she called me and apologized (I was already in another country). She told me that she loves me, misses me, hopes to be with me again someday, and she will wait for me. I accepted her apology and told her that I still love her and miss her too. We agreed to try a long distance relationship, but after I got back home I only spoke with her for two days before she completely dissapeared. It's been over two weeks since I last heard her voice. When I call, my calls get rejected or go unanswered. Text messages, Emails and even a package I sent go unanswered. I don't even know if she got the package.What am I supposed to think? Why did she leave me dangling like this? I hurt and feel so depressed, I think of her all the time. I think all sorts of possibilities what she may be doing, where she could be, but in the end I know nothing. What can I do?
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female
reader, trotman68  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 God this sounds to close to home for me. Yes I had the same thing, but this time he didnt walk away from me but said a situation with his wife trying to kill herself and that his son was there at the time, so he said that he had to make his marriage work for his son sake. Now he is very cold towards me, tells me I have to move on and also tells me he doesnt want to talk about how hurt I feel. Yes I am deeply hurt, not for his choice but for his coldness and now everything we were about is now something that makes it all false.
You have been understanding, open, loyal, honest even willing to try to forgive her. What have you had in return? Nothing. Nor will you. The reason for this is because you are a nice guy, someone that wouldnt treat a wild animal like this.
Yes you love her and if you want the truth, I believe she loves you. However you show her only love and she feels this love everyday, now her love to you only ever hurts, you always will be let down by this person, because your allowing her to do this to you.
I bet all these emails you are sending her are mainly really nice and understanding ones. I bet you have even said to her that you love her and just want her back. She isnt going to reply because you are telling her things she wants to hear from you.
I know you really love her, but how about looking at this in a different way. Just think about this for a while and here are some idea's for you.
1. never blame her, women or men dont like to hear this, especially when they know that they are in the wrong.
2. Never say your not going to corrospond with them again, because if you do, it show's that you really dont mean what you are saying. So always say that you are going to leave it for a few weeks but keep to it, this will leave an opening to email again.
3. Dont come across as needing her, come across as wanting her, maybe point out the difference here.
4. Maybe instead of telling her how you feel, express just how worried you are that she hasnt contacted you and this is really worrrying.
Give it a go, but I no you dont want to hear this from me and I know that you will think I dont understand, but I would actually do a email saying that a women that once again walked out of your life not once but twice is a women that you couldnt have in your life because you now feel that her words that she once spoke to you mean nothing to her nor you now because she hasnt proven them to you.
End it that even though your going to move on with your life now, you want her to know that she can always contact you, because you would always listen and that the words you spoke to her would always be there.
After a while she should realise that she has hurt you and even if you get an explaination, it helps.
Please let me know how you get on.
I am actually going to take my own advice and do just this.
Chin up and I am here if you need me.xxxx
A
female
reader, trotman68 +, writes (12 September 2009):
This happened to me recently and I have to say it, it still hurts. Closure is important I think and to have someone in your life and they can do that to you, makes you feel so used. mine went on for 16 months and he promised me everything and yes I loved him unconditionally. 3 months ago he walked out of my life and didnt say a word to me ever since.He went back to his wife and he said he would never do that as she had an affair, said he would never hurt me intentionally, He would always be fair because of the distance, he said he would only ever want me and no-one else.He claimed to be a man of his word and i believed him in every thing he said. I v gone through so much emotion as everything is now questionable, it hurts I know just how you feel.I only had textes to communicate with him and his work place. He turned his phone off and refused to talk to me, so I wrote him some letters, the low life placed an harrassement order on me. Well I realise now, that it was just words that he said and trust me he used them with ease. He done everything he said he wouldnt and now im left not knowing what was the truth.I could turn it round even now but after I calmed down, I dont want him anymore, I love him but he is no good. It was easy to turn his back and didnt care what he done to me. That isn't a man that is in love, that is a man that just hasnt got respect for me, Im far better than that. His wife has screamed down the phone at my 12 year old, so I could cause so much trouble with that alone, but I would rather sit here and hurt as he is no man in my eyes and god, he done me a favour as what a life I would have had with him. He lied to me and used me and because, he then couldnt face me, he places an harrassement order on me. Guttless thats all he is and trust me the police said I could even claim the Human rights act, I could now fask him to go to mediation (ADR is short for alturnitive dispute resolution), but now I dont even want to have to listen to what he as to say as now I know what his word means.Loving him was easy to do, but the hurt and pain I feel now, hasnt gone away, its so much harder to live with, but I will not got to his level of hating someone, im better thatn that. He has to live with hisself for doing it. I loved him since I was seven, we lost contact and 16 months ago came back into my life, but now I wish he didnt. I will move on and have a life and a much happier one than he would ever be able to have. Not once to he tink how much he would hurt me, he didnt care.If I was you, no matter how hard it is, you will find happiness and it will be something special, trust me, I think your a man with a heart and obviously there are not a lot of them around. Its the good people like ourselfs that have morals and respect, not just for ourselves but for others to.please keep me informed and let me know how you get on. I know what you must be going through. just dust yourselve off, move on.xxx
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (12 September 2009):
 I know the feeling. I was with my ex for three years, we were engaged, and the wedding was half planned. Then she gave me back the ring with no warning or discussion and has refused to speak with me since. I still don't know why she dumped me. She refuses to explain, and threatened police if I so much as email her to ask why.
All I can say is what I keep telling myself. If she left you like that, be glad she did so before you got married and wound up losing your house and kids to her. Better to wait for a stable relationship than settle with an unstable woman.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Looks like she has changed her mind about you but didn't have the guts to tell you,thats why she is ignoring you.She would of got your emails and definately your text messages but she has had a change of heart. Long distant relationships can work but alot do fail because the long absences are the killer and you need a hell of alot of trust.I suggest you forget about her...move on...you did all you could and its now been 2 weeks...i know your hurting, your feeling depressed but you will get over her.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (11 September 2009):
its over man move on.
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