A
female
age
41-50,
*ard to please
writes:I'm in quite a serious dilemma... I met this guy and fell pregnant the second time we slept together. The good news is that we've both stepped up to the plate and decided to embrace our situation. The only problem is, i'm battling to accept is emotionally unavailable attitude. When we met he still had a girlfriend of six years. Their relationship was on the rocks and they had even been sleeping in separate rooms for a couple months. I feel really guilty for the girl and what she must be going through, given the situation. What makes it worse is that the guy in question is the most unsympathetic towards woman's emotions and has no idea how to respect a girl. If he upsets you, if just becomes cold and defensive and leaves you feeling like there's something wrong with you and that you're weak and pathetic. For starters, i have a complex about ruining peoples lives as i have lost love because of my childish actions. And i watch how my brothers girlfriend is miserable when he's doing what makes him happy, if it means she must take a back seat. So this guy has stolen the hearts of my family and my mother thinks the sun shines out his back side...i tend to trust my mothers opinion, and am very open with her about our ups and downs, but there are certain aspects that i just couldn't share with my mother. He smokes weed four nights a week and can't say no to cocaine, even though we're expecting a child he is still so irresponsible in so many ways. He has a bit of a perverted side to him too in that there are often porn dvd's in the player at his house and he always hires dvd's only if it has a sex rating and then makes groaning noises or growls at the sexy girls on the screen. This makes me feel uncomfortable and inadequate given my pregnant situation. But the biggest issue right now, as i lay on the couch in the lounge and he's in bed asleep, is that everynight he goes to sleep and insists on holding pillows. I've told him that this upsets me as i'm lying right there? Why can't he hold me? I've tried to make a joke of the issue a couple times by pulling the pillows away and snuggling into their position but he just groans and goes uh uh, pushes me away and snatches the pillows back. When i ask him why he does it, he says it's because he's used to it. So in my head i'm thinking; he's obviously used to it from when he and his ex had separate rooms. So i can't help thinking that the pillows substitute her. I know that if i read this i would tell myself to get a back bone and find a real man. But i've ruined so many relationships by being irrational that i'm scared to make the wrong decision again. Especially because he's the father of my unborn baby girl. HELP
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 I'm so sorry doll but I think this guy is a drop kick! Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? Do you want your child to grow up in a house where her father takes drugs and doesn't really respect her mother? If you don't think you can raise your daughter by yourself consider adopting her out. Or I would take advantage of your close relationship with your mother and confess all and ask for her help and guidance. No matter how much she likes the drip her alliegance is always going to be with you first and if she realises how hes treating you I bet she will become a lioness and get her claws out to protect you.
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