A
female
age
36-40,
*ost_Soul85
writes:So I'll try and keep this one as short as possible. So I've had a few relationships in my 24 years. A 9 month relationship with a guy, a 3 year relationship with a woman, a 3 month courtship with a woman and then well I was single for 18 months.See I always thought I was pretty much gay. I've known since I was 5 that I find the same sex attractive. I came out to my family and everything! dammit everything seemed straightforward (ironically) and I just throught I'd be a lesbian woman loving her way through the 21st century. Well it turns out, it wasn't to be. I started hanging round with this guy from work and my word did we click. we hung out every day after work for months, he was completely accepting of my sexuality, never cracked onto me or anything and we just used to hang out, listen to music, have a few drinks, smoke a bit of weed, talk about girls you know.... anyway, we ended up sleeping together (I cracked onto him) and well it was pretty much amazing! and we've been together ever since. its the best relationship i've ever had, so much mutual respect and laughter and fun, the sex is good and I love being with him. I just want to say that I've always found guys attractive, just women more so.... I'm bisexual, with a leaning towards same sex relationships. so heres the problem... i miss women. i want to make this clear, i don't miss being in relationships with women (to be honest i think women are mental) but i do miss sleeping with them. now my boyfriend is quite open minded sexually and he says threesomes and swinging etc is something he would love to do. we've had one already and it was great. I still love being with him solo and the threesome is not the thing that has caused the problem. just sometimes when i'm with him, sometimes i really really want him and want to sleep with him and want to be with him like that and sometimes, I can barely stand it when he touches me and I just want to be with a woman. I guess this is half the problem with being bisexual.... has anyone else ever felt like this?
View related questions:
lesbian, swinging, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cnith  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Well, I still say you have to figure out what happens...meaning why the 'switch' goes off. Try to pay attention. What is it you're missing right before the switch goes off.
It could be that you need more regular threesomes. I doubt he'd mind that if he's already happy with the first few times.
Like I said, don't throw the whole relationship away because you have carnal desires that seem to conflict with it.
Talk to him and work it out. It sounds like you have a dream there. Not all guys are that understanding, or women even. As long as you're both open to communication and no one is resenting the other, you should be just fine. :)
Good luck to you! :)
A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (9 April 2010):
Find out what it is about being with the guy that is different than being with a woman. It's not the sex, I can almost guarantee it. ALMOST.
Women are mental. I don't understand lesbians at all. However men are "distant" and when they want sex they go straight for it and 'forget' the other stuff women do (caresses and what not.) We straight women are mental for wanting men.
That being said, I think your issue is more psychological than physical.
I just recently wished I were lesbian because when I touch my bf it doesnt mean I want sex, it means I want to feel his skin. Men don't think that way, it turns out. They touch you (anywhere) it means I want something. I forget that with men, they only do things to communicate with you. And when they DO communicate, it's to say something ie. give information.
They don't ramble like we do. They don't speak to be heard. They don't speak to hear themselves or think outloud. When they speak it's to give a solution or to tell you something important.
They don't have the same level of intimacy that we do. They're intimate, don't get me wrong, they want it too, but it's different. The pictures are different.
When you say it repulses you to have him touch you, is it because he touches you to have sex and you wish for once he touched you just for the sake of touching? For the sake of being close without it having to mean I want sex? I recently went through that. I am not gay. I like to look at women, I don't want to sleep with them. But I do click more with women on that intimacy level than I do with men. I can talk a woman's ear off and she won't care. I do that with a man and I might as well cut his head off.
So think about what the real issue is. You might find that you're bi or that you're straight... I doubt you're straight...but let's just put it out there. But I can't say you're gay either. The lesbians I know don't want anything to do with a penis.
That he lets you have threesomes is awesome. Maybe you can even have your own woman on the side. You're a man's dream. Let him become yours.
Part of a relationship is working out the kinks, right? Find out what's wrong so you can fix it. That you found a wonderful partner is a blessing. Dont let ONE thing break you apart from an otherwise wonderful experience which it sounds like you have.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lost_Soul85 +, writes (9 April 2010):
Lost_Soul85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits not commitment thats the issue. I'd never cheat on him and I can see myself being with him and him making me happy, he does make me happy so so much. much more happy than my ex girlfriend made me in the whole 3 years we were together. I did fancy guys during those 3 years and I've always had a high and diverse sex drive.
I think a relationship comprises of so much more than sex and he shares the same opinion there too. in every other respect he makes me so happy and contented.
I want to be clear that I do want him sexually and he does satisfy me sexually just it feels like theres a switch in me.... sometimes I want him so much and he really turns me on and then the switch goes and I just want to be with a woman (I am only referring to sex here). Just..... confused I guess
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Everybody, whether they are gay or straight, has attraction to other people. That's just being human. It sounds like your issue may just be with commitment. But I could be wrong there.
For that 3 year relationship with that girl did you ever feel the need for a guy?
Part of being in a serious relationship is committing to that one person. If you can't do that then maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship.
...............................
|
