A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I met this guy online. We hung out 3 times so far and we had such an amazing time. We text and chat it up all the time... The 3rd time we hung out, there was so much sexual tension between us so we ended up making out and touching each others bodies. He suggested we should have sex sometime soon. But isnt this too early? He told me he sees me being the one he will love. Im just unsure, I should not let a guy get the best of me right away right? Even though I want it as bad as he does! Its just so hard when we are both mentally connected to each other already! I dont know what to do and I do not know how to slow down... Any tips or advice?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (17 May 2012):
I agree with Cerberus. Let him prove it. Don't pay so much attention to his words, but his actions instead. That's what counts. Right now his actions make him come across like a smooth player looking for some casual sex.
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Sex happens when it happenes. No need to rush it. If you are ready it will be special. If you rush it will be functional at best.
Alot of people make the mistake of rushing thier relationships, just relax and enjoy spending time with him.
Everything else will work itself out
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): "He told me he sees me being the one he will love." Oh will you now? How nice of you.
What a bullshit line. OP only ever deal with certainties, never with maybe's, perhaps or in the future.
You've "hung out"? So no dates either no?
All of this screams casual sex OP. If casual sex is what you want fine then, go for it.
But this guy still has a lot more to show that isn't the case. You only "hang out" and I bet most of the time that's somewhere he can get you to be intimate with him. He tells you you're a person that he "will" love and then says you should have sex sometime soon. Do your conversations online and on the phone always end up in a sexual nature?
OP we guys are very straight forward when you only deal with certainties. What can you be certain of here? You know for certain he wants to bone you, nothing else yet. He says he "will" love, he only hangs out with you.
Slowing him down is the easy part. Public dates and no going back to a private place. Always have something else planned for after your date or just have a quick kiss and cuddle at the door and then leave it at that.
Do that for a little while, make sure alcohol doesn't become a factor and see how he is. If he's only interested in sex he'll beg, plead and use any trick he can to get you alone. If he's after something more he will respect you when you tell him you want to get to know him first. Don't put a timescale on it just tell him you want to take things slowly.
OP we guys are the nicest people in the world, the best dates ever and the best emotional connectors when we want pussy only. It doesn't take too much work to put on that act for a little while when we think we're going to score soon. Make our dates public, keep us guessing and tell us you want to take it slowly and we'll stick around if we're interested in more or we'll walk away if we're not.
Give it a another few dates before you go anywhere alone with him and see what happens. He won't stick around for too long if he's only interested in a casual lay but he will be happy to keep up the interest and make the effort if you really are someone he "will" love. That's a very strong statement of intent, make him prove his words through his actions.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Yes it is too early to speak of love...
trust your instincts...
three face to face dates is not enough to know him if you want to have a real relationship with him...
stay public with him... do not tease him with long make out sessions... or touching... wait until you know you are ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I agree with Celtic_Tiger.
Even with all the "talking" online you NEED to feel that you know him and that YOU want to have sex with him without feeling pressured.
A good guy will wait. No matter how horny he is. Why? Because waiting is the right thing for YOU. You have only had 3 dates, in my book sex is still WAYS off. And if you aren't sure, it IS ways off.
Keep the dates to public places in the future less chance of "losing control" of your hormones and doing something you might regret.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 "He told me he sees me being the one he will love"
He's trying to get you to bed, not because he "sees you as someone he will love", but because his penis wants to get some action. And those are the words that might get him what he wants. Don't be a fool, that line is BS and something all players will say to get into your pants. Maybe you haven't heard it before, and that's why you want to believe it. But who on earth knows beforehand who they will love? No one does! He can't say he can love you in the future, and at any rate that sentence is completely meaningless! All he is saying is that he doesn't love you (at least not yet) but that he still wants to sleep with you. Not so romantic after all.
After 3 dates? Yes, too early, unless all you want is a casual fling and to be his booty call. If you want a relationship then tell him you want to be officially his girlfriend.
Advice to slow down: stop meeting him at home in private. Meet him in public, or out on a cafè, or together with friends, or to go do an activity. I have a feeling you and him have so far been meeting up at home on your bed or elsewhere in private. If a man wants to meet you at HOME at the very beginning of dating then he isn't looking for a relationship, he is looking for sex. It's common knowledge.
So, what do you want? Casual sex or relationship? Make your choice and then stick to it, and don't think you can use sex to make a guy be your boyfriend. That doesn't work.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 If he 'really' loves you, he will wait.
If he just wants to get into your pants, he will cause a fuss and walk away if he doesn't get sex.
After three dates, you do not know this guy. For all you know he could be a very good actor and does this with every girl he meets. Sweet talk, good connection...
Keep the dates to public places, and keep a little mystery.
...............................
|
