A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have been dating my girlfriend for about a 2 months now. Im 24 shes 21. I like her alot. Thats why its hard for me to just bail. Been through a couple of em to find this one. Well anyway here's the problem. Ok so we started to talking about like jealousy and what not. She asks me, "are you a jealous guy?" i replied no , that she could have guy friends and i have my girl firends. Then she asked about dancing. I said no, you can dance with other guys(btw we're spanish so there are many dances that keep it pg). And added, but as long as there isnt any gridning. Because then i will just leave her there. So this started an argument that grinding was just dancing and that i was overeacting. Then she followed up with, "so if some girl came up to you and started grinding on u, u wouldnt do it?" i said that, i woulsnt and i would tell her to back the f up. Lol. She didnt believe me and i told if she was gonna be like that then we should just break up. She then quickly changed her talk and proceeded to change sibject with kisses. Sooooooo, now in the back of my mind im thinking, "should i be able to trust her? If she doesnt believe that i wouodnt grind on some random, whats stoppin her from getting wasted and convincing herself that im cheating on her, so she could justify her doing whatver. Am i wrong to think the grinding is mad disresectful unless its with ur partner. And should i just leave b4 is gets too deep?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for their answers. I completly forgot I asked this question a long time ago. After reading these answers everyone was right in my intial over reacting, should handled it differently. Well rewind to 3.5 yrs ago, this girl was not to be trusted. She was secretly hanging out with her ex boyfriend. Found them making out in her car. This was not much later than the time I made this post. Before you start thinking I was stalking, it was by chance that I was passing by that area where she even didnt expect that I would drive through there. And thats that. It only lasted like 3 months. Thank you all for yoour help.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 August 2011):
 Grinding is nothing but dry humping on the dance floor, it's not dancing. So if I saw my SO grinding with someone other than me, I'd be pretty mad. Everyone gets jealous at some point, whether they like to admit it or not.
Here's your issue, you two are talking about potential situations...THAT HAVEN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET!!! It's so petty to waste time and energy arguing about this!
There's plenty of other arguments worth arguing about. Cross that bridge when you get there. And knock off the games of "What if's".
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 What, you are ready to break up with her over a stupid argument about GRINDING? And you sit and tell us this girl you really like and would like to stay in a relationship with?
If you want a relationship with her the first thing you need to stop is throwing around threats of breaking up whenever you have the tiniest disagreement. You're bound to disagree in a relationship. Deal with it. If you plan to end a relationship whenever you have an argument you won't be having many lasting relationships.
Want this girl? Then stick to her. Threatening to break up is not acceptable. If you REALLY want to end it with her never do it in an argument. Always do it when you are both calm, and when you have actually thought the matter through.
Back to your original problem then.
Wait, there was one more. Ah, the distrust issue. You're over-analyzing. I have no idea why, but you're being over dramatic. Girl says in an argument she thinks you'll grind up against a girl on the dancefloor. Well, because she honestly thought you would, and wasn't notified about your disinterest in doing this until in the midst of an argument. A little hard to turn 180 degrees around and change your perception in the middle of a fight. She'll have to cool off and see that you actually DON'T grind up against other girls first. Not because she doesn't trust you, but because she needs time to get used to the thought that you don't do this.
How that has got anything to do with CHEATING though I have no idea. How on earth did you manage to link those two together? If the girl doesn't trust you she's not gonna run around cheating to "beat you to it" or whatever. She'll dump you, that'd what she'll do, if she thinks you are lying or not worth trusting. Thinking that she will cheat is unreasonable.
So now, finally, to the main problem, the grinding. Who cares? It's dancing, grinding, disrespectful, whatever. You don't own the girl just because you're in a relationship with her. This is how you handle a situation like this: "Me personally do not like grinding. I see it as something you can do while single, or with your partner. I wouldn't do it to another girl when I am with you, because I would see that as disrespectful to you. How do you see grinding? If you do not see the harm in it I trust your judgment. But I will ask you one thing, to not do it with other men while I am there to see it, because it will hurt me. Is that ok?"
I can bet you, if you had phrased it like that instead you'd have the girl all over you with love and amazement at how wonderful you are, and how she doesn't want to hurt you or disrespect you in return, and has never met anyone as respectful towards women as you. The clue in a relationship you see, is to never lay rules on another. Accept that the other person is a free being that you are privileged to be with, but do not hold ownership over. If they choose to respect you that is fine, if they do not want to respect you out of their own free will (without demanding it) they aren't a person you should be with anyway.
Learning how to word yourself is a thing you learn with the years though. Next time, try to angle yourself in a peaceful manner, instead of going in a full blow attack on her. Attacking with words only cause a defense, no matter if she originally disagrees with you or not.
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A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 Hmmmm I am a bit divided on this one. I can see your point, grinding is overtly sexual, in fact, it mimics sexual rhythms so I am not entirely unsympathetic to your point of view. Would I be happy if I saw my partner grind other guys? I would probably feel a bit uncomfortable with it but I wouldn't chuck somebody over it. Her not trusting you to be the same was projection; you made her feel bad, she retaliated by trying to make you feel bad, it happens, it can be symptomatic of a wider lack of trust but it can also be symptomatic of having a fight.
This leads me to my next point. Having recognised you have a point, I am now going to say your taking it too far and reading too much into it, mountains and molehills spring to mind to be honest with you. You really cant read too much into this, she just has a different sense of limits to you, therefore its something you need to negotiate an acceptable compromise between the two of you. Her viewing grinding as acceptable does not mean shes anymore likely to slide into the bed of a willing guy while smashed necessarily anymore than her not viewing it so would make her less likely. In fact, you could hypothetically argue the complete reverse, the fact she can stop at grinding shows a self-control that makes her less likely to cheat. You need to keep things in perspective a bit here. Little comments like that make me wonder if you might not fully trust her in any case.
I would try and forget it to be honest, now she knows your feelings, if she respects them, she most likely wont do it, and you need to cut her a little slack I think. Good luck :)
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