Is what he's saying normal or not?

A female age 36-40, *mearest_butterfly writes:

I have met a guy through some friends and we were just friendly to begin with. I was interested but I thought he wasn't. Then as I had planned a trip to Greece, I went out the night before my flight and he happened to be there. We just acted friendly and then he started texting me but I didnt see the texts till about later that night when he was gone. He practically said he liked me and that he would have done something about it had he known I was single. I txt him from greece and then things got a bit warmer. He kept texting me daily and it was all good. When I came back we met at a club again and because my friend was smashed I had to take her back to mine and he helped. That night I found it a bit weird and awkward that he self-invited himself to sleep in my bed with me. We just slept and he didn't seem any awkward. So after that we started spending time together. After 3 days he kissed me for the first time and 3 days after that he said he liked me. A week later we had sex for first time and I told him I thought it was too early and that I didnt wanna ruin IT. Then he reassured me various times that the only way I could ruin "US" was by sleeping with someone else. He also said somethings that I thought were a bit too strong..like "you're mine" and when I asked him if he'd go out with me he said "Of course I would. I'd love to be that guy". After that though because I didn't feel quite sure about him keeping our relationship that way (because I've been dumped so many times after sex before) I started pushing him to spend more and more time with me. After 2 and a half weeks I even cooked dinner for him. He freaked out and then 2 days after dinner he said over the phone that I've taken us too seriously considering how early it is. I didn't like that cause it kinda implied he didn't want a relationship so I reacted like I wasn't meant to be taken lightly and then he flipped and he said that if I think he's taken me lightly I don't know him at all and he hung up saying he'll txt. I txt him staight away saying I was sorry for pushing him for time but I only did it cause I'm happy with him. (Wrong I know). He didn't txt back. In these 2 weeks I'd met all his friends and I had invited some round for dinner the next day after the phonecall, so he was invited too. Stepping on that dinner I text him asking how he was and saying that I was expecting a txt and whether he's coming for dinner or not. I gave him 30 mins to reply but he didn't, so I called. I got no reply and that worked me up. I sent a txt saying that I've not treated him any bad to deserve such a blanking and that I need to know what's happening. He replied to that saying that he wont come for dinner and that he thinks we should chill a bit if that was ok. I said that is all fine but we needed to talk for 10 mins somewhere outside. He tried to avoid it cause he said he wasnt ready to talk and that it was a short notice and he was feeling uncomfortable. I demanded it though cause I said that it can't always be how HE feels, since I am involved in the situation too and I needed to talk. He got outside and we talked. He said that this is going too fast and none of his previous relationships has been so fast..he asked for time and he said we should back off a bit. He also said that it is a good thing this happened in the first weeks of our relationship and that it's great that he was gonna go home for a few days cause he'll be more relaxed there to think than here. He said he finds weird getting so many txts from me cause I don't know him that well, even though he did admit he started the texts thingie cause he claims it to be a safer way to get to know someone that actively spending time together cause you can say things you feel a bit easier. I said that I think the best way to get to know someone is by actually spending time with them but that I was willing to play it his way. I then asked him if all this meant us breaking up and if he wanted such a thing or not and he said that it's not that and that he'd say if it was that. He just said we need to chill a bit cause I am too intense and it puts him off. Also at a point he tried mentioning his previous relationship which I know had massively hurt him and it only ended before christmas, but I asked not to know about it. I agreed with the time off situation and when we were leaving he said he promises to see me soon. I didn't bug him at all that day but I did ask his friends discreetly what he'd told them about me and he only had mention me as his lady apparently. Following morning he txt to ask how was our evening. I replied to that and then stopped, but in the evening I got weak and I found an excuse to bug him again, asking about the frisbee training cause he's the captain of the frisbee team. He replied to that txt an hour later but not to the following one in which I was asking where's the training. The day after that he sent another txt asking how I was and how my work is going. I replied a bit belated cause I'd not seen it and I assumed he'd gone to bed and he didn't reply, not that there was anything to be replied really. I was just nagging about how hard my uni exams are and that I might quit the medicine idea. The morning after that he txt explaining how he'd fallen asleep on that night and he asked me how come I was quiting on something I wanted so much. SO we talked a bit about that and he stopped texting after telling me that he was excited to be going home soon. On the day I knew he was going home however I couldn't help it but txt him to ask to confirm that he got home ok since he was driving there, and to be fair he did reply when he got there and he only asked if I was ok. Then I went crazy and I asked whether his sis was back and whether he was gonna go out with his bro and things..kind of fishing for a conversation thing. Of course I got no reply!! I'm still blaming myself for that. At the moment I'm just sitting back waiting for him to get back here and see how he'll be. However I am the kind of person who needs to know what's going on to be happy. I can't just stay here and assume things but I can't really bug him anymore since he said he's not ready to talk and that he can't take pressure. What I would like from your point of view is to tell me whether you think he does really like me and what he says is normal or not, cause I might be paranoid here but I don't think ever anyone who does actively like someone else would ask for time off, nor that he'd think that anytime spent with that someone is too much.

View related questions: christmas, text

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A female reader, smearest_butterfly  +, writes (4 May 2008):

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